If you want your children to cooperatre and listen to you the first time around, then try this skill first!

Why? Well.... because it works.. no matter the age of the child, and in nearly all situations.

It's clever, it's fair, it's emotionally intelligent, and creates connection between you and your child.

The Mandela name is famous throughout the world. But did he pass on those values and that humility to his children and grandchildren? And how did Madiba understand success? I was determined to find out when I interviewed his grandson Ndaba Mandela.

Zuckerberg has a secret, and I think I have discovered it!

Zuckerberg is a household name throughout most of the world. Millions of people use Facebook and know that Mark Zuckerberg is the founder. 

And his sister, Randi Zuckerberg, is also known as the one who took Facebook to the next level.

I got to connect to her (both on and off stage), and asked her about how she builds connection and trust, both as a parent and as a succesful business person.

Here she shares her tips for creating this success, but the real secret is how she makes people feel when they speak to her.

Wayde van Niekerk is an Olympic Gold medallist at the Rio 2016 Olympics, smashing a 17 year old world record for the 400m.

And if that is not enough, he is the only person to do the following three: Run the 100m under 20secs, the 200m under 20secs, and the 400m under 44 seconds.

Even his close friend Usain Bolt’s jaw dropped when Wayde won the Olympic race!

I had the pleasure to connect to him recently, and took away 5 really important points from his story.

Thursday, 10 November 2016 20:21

How can I get my child to do extra homework?

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The value of getting a child to do extra homework is not about force feeding them with irrelevant information and time consuming content, but in supporting them in the skills of self discipline, planning, organisational development and perseverance.

 But regardless of the REASON as to why your child has extra homework to do, the skills needed to get them to do so can be the same. 

We have found that what works best is to focus on the values that underpin the extra work, and not on the actual content of the work.

 So if your child has extra MATH to catch up, what we aim to develop (and celebrate), is increasing her self discipline to stay focused, and to persevere, in spite of her being bored and wanting to give up. 

These internal values (characteristics) are what support her in being successful in whatever she takes on in life. These values are within her control, and reflect the effort she puts in.

Learn how to tap into this motivational drive and then extra homework becomes easier.

Thursday, 10 November 2016 20:49

How to help my child when he is bullied at school?

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As I write this, my child is currently being bullied at school. So the things I share in this lesson come from direct experience that produces results.

And the irony is that supporting Cailin (aged 9) is actually the 'easy' part. It is trying to support and handle her mom that is the challenge. 

When your child is bullied, such intense emotions arise, often evoking thoughts of wanting to go to school the next year and confront the child yourself. 

But now YOU become the bully of a young child. And so the cycle repeats itself.

It takes a lot of emotional intelligence for a parent to apply the skills I teach in this lesson. But if you are able to hold and process your own emotions, you will be able to turn this tragic situation into an incredible learning process that will development the strength and character of your child. 

As a pre-school teacher and then a primary school principal, my staff and I found many creative and intelligent ways to help families overcome the heartbreaking challenges of separation anxiety. 

 The key focus in separation anxiety is in supporting the transference of trust and safety from parent to school. And this will nearly always be done by building the quality of the relationship the child experiences in the school environment.

 By increasing a child's sense of belonging and sense of connectedness at school, their willingness to stay at school and explore new challenges increases. 

This lesson gives you examples of what to do, and how to empower yourself to do that, in spite of a school that ignores your requests for support. You don't have to wait for the school to sort this out. Take charge and make it happen!

Getting children to sleep in their own beds, and to fall asleep on their own is one of the most frequent topics that comes up between parents. 

And although each family has their own theory about this, there are general things you can do to support the implementation of YOUR choice.

The most strategic and intelligent way to resolve this is to find ways to give your child what they are needing, but on your terms, and according to your timeline. So a win-win scenario.

This lesson looks at examples of how you can implement some of these ideas.

Are you a shouter? 88% of parents find themselves shouting at their children and nearly all of them feel guilty afterwards.

When some people get angry they turn this anger inward and go quiet (and the anger burns inside). Other people vent this anger outward, and often this comes out as yelling and shouting.

And although this may be your default experience, you can change this with the skills I cover in this lesson.

Increase your awareness of what triggers you, learn how to express your anger intelligently and appropriately so your children hear you instead of fear you, and then find ways to practice saying this.

Just by knowing WHAT to do instead of yelling will help in over 40% of the yelling situations you find yourself in.

Thursday, 10 November 2016 21:13

How can I handle my toddlers roller coaster emotions?

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As our children develop, so they are learning about their own emotions during this stage. It can really help for a parent to see their role in supporting their children make meaning of these emotions, instead of blaming and accusing their children for having them.

A good example of changing your wording can be seen below:

Instead of saying "You are a bad boy." or "You are wrong."

Label the behavior instead of the person: "That is the wrong behaviour'.

But to make it really powerful, understand that an even better way to say this is to label it as "INAPPROPRIATE" behaviour, instead of bad or wrong.

This lesson comes from my latest online course and covers my favourite skill and the one I use each and every day without any risk of over doing it.

  1. Describe what you see or hear without judging it as good or bad.
  2. Share what your favourite part is.

In any situation you will always have one 'part' that you prefer to another. Therefore by using this skill you will never be lying, or be inauthentic. And you don't even have to know what you are praising.

Describing your favourite part is the skill most used by parents as there is no risk of overpraising or 'fake' praising.

Getting teenagers to listen to your suggestions, your advice and your boundaries is one of the stages of childhood that parents dread the most. 

The most important part of dealing with teenagers is the degree to which you can make them feel you are also on their side, EVEN when you put in place your firm boundaries. 

The challenge for parents of teenagers is in HOW to assert the authority and control in a way that keeps the teenager feeling she still has autonomy and feels empowered.

When a parent realises that their default parenting style was not really their choice but more of something inherited from their own parents and culture, then new possibilities open up.

But it is not your FAULT for this… you did not choose this as you were growing up.... but now it is your responsibility to do something about it.

The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents. 

Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again?

The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his teen son who had started missing school classes and didn't show any care that he was now in trouble.

The idea behind this lesson is how to get children to think and process their actions without us risking them shutting down the conversation with "Just leave me alone... you don't understand'.

By coming from a 'space of inquiry' and asking more questions than giving advice, we create a space for our teenagers to think through their actions, and out of this, take greater responsibility.

Parents are getting angry when children are just not taking responsibility for making things work. 

It's a great test of patience when you apply a new skill you have learned, only to find your child throws it back in your face, leaving you feeling depleted and angry.

But don't panic! This is what conscious and intelligent parenting is all about. We begin to expect the unexpected, and learn how to handle all the curve balls so we can continue getting that FLOW back into the family. 

This lesson is a great one in how to ABSORB their comments, and then REDIRECT them back to what you are needing.

The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child.

If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it.

In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations.

  1. Learn new skills that will prevent you from getting to this kind of situation in the first place. Learn how to invite cooperation instead of having to resort to punishment and harsh boundaries. This is not just wishy-washy skills but strategic steps (more like a science than magic).
  2. Increase you own levels of emotional intelligence and shift from being a reactive parent to a responsive one. Put in the effort to do some personal development work. 
  3. Learn how to apologize effectively (and this is not just about saying sorry) and take responsibility for what happened in the shouting and repair the broken trust and connectedness between you.

Being an emotionally intelligent parent is not about being perfect, or getting it right. It's about being in relationship and working with the challenging situations that arise, leaving everyone feeling empowered and their needs taken to heart.

Thursday, 10 November 2016 20:04

What cooperation skills work best on toddlers?

Written by

Understanding the Language-Transition phase will really help you keep your cool when you know your child has heard you, but still doesn't do what you have asked.

This lesson looks at the developmental stages of young children and how their language development is faster than their levels of self discipline and control.

You will also explore the difference between distraction based techniques, and language based techniques, and when to use one, or the other, or both. 

You need your children to cooperate with you. And best to learn how to get them to do so before you get really angry with them.

Page 1 of 10

A list of all blog posts below

  • How to get your children to cooperate by giving them choices
    How to get your children to cooperate by giving them choices If you want your children to cooperatre and listen to you the first time around, then try this skill first! Why? Well.... because it works.. no matter the age of the child, and in nearly all situations. It's clever, it's fair, it's emotionally intelligent, and creates connection between you and your child.
    Read 111 times Read more...
  • Mandela taught this South African man a good lesson
    Mandela taught this South African man a good lesson The Mandela name is famous throughout the world. But did he pass on those values and that humility to his children and grandchildren? And how did Madiba understand success? I was determined to find out when I interviewed his grandson Ndaba Mandela.
    Read 179 times Read more...
  • Zuckerberg shares the top 5 secrets on business success and parenting
    Zuckerberg shares the top 5 secrets on business success and parenting Zuckerberg has a secret, and I think I have discovered it! Zuckerberg is a household name throughout most of the world. Millions of people use Facebook and know that Mark Zuckerberg is the founder.  And his sister, Randi Zuckerberg, is also known as the one who took Facebook to the next level. I got to connect to her (both on and off stage), and asked her about how she builds connection and trust, both as…
    Read 109 times Read more...
  • Wayde van Niekerk:The 5 things the world’s fastest runner taught me
    Wayde van Niekerk:The 5 things the world’s fastest runner taught me Wayde van Niekerk is an Olympic Gold medallist at the Rio 2016 Olympics, smashing a 17 year old world record for the 400m. And if that is not enough, he is the only person to do the following three: Run the 100m under 20secs, the 200m under 20secs, and the 400m under 44 seconds. Even his close friend Usain Bolt’s jaw dropped when Wayde won the Olympic race! I had the pleasure to connect to…
    Read 305 times Read more...
  • How can I get my child to do extra homework?
    How can I get my child to do extra homework? The value of getting a child to do extra homework is not about force feeding them with irrelevant information and time consuming content, but in supporting them in the skills of self discipline, planning, organisational development and perseverance.  But regardless of the REASON as to why your child has extra homework to do, the skills needed to get them to do so can be the same.  We have found that what works best is to…
    Read 109 times Read more...
  • How to help my child when he is bullied at school?
    How to help my child when he is bullied at school? As I write this, my child is currently being bullied at school. So the things I share in this lesson come from direct experience that produces results. And the irony is that supporting Cailin (aged 9) is actually the 'easy' part. It is trying to support and handle her mom that is the challenge.  When your child is bullied, such intense emotions arise, often evoking thoughts of wanting to go to school the next year…
    Read 113 times Read more...
  • Separation anxiety when going to school. Please help!!!!
    Separation anxiety when going to school. Please help!!!! As a pre-school teacher and then a primary school principal, my staff and I found many creative and intelligent ways to help families overcome the heartbreaking challenges of separation anxiety.   The key focus in separation anxiety is in supporting the transference of trust and safety from parent to school. And this will nearly always be done by building the quality of the relationship the child experiences in the school environment.  By increasing a child's sense…
    Read 366 times Read more...
  • My daughter keeps asking to sleep in our bed. What should I do?
    My daughter keeps asking to sleep in our bed. What should I do? Getting children to sleep in their own beds, and to fall asleep on their own is one of the most frequent topics that comes up between parents.  And although each family has their own theory about this, there are general things you can do to support the implementation of YOUR choice. The most strategic and intelligent way to resolve this is to find ways to give your child what they are needing, but on your…
    Read 371 times Read more...
  • Any ideas on what I can do to stop yelling at my child?
    Any ideas on what I can do to stop yelling at my child? Are you a shouter? 88% of parents find themselves shouting at their children and nearly all of them feel guilty afterwards. When some people get angry they turn this anger inward and go quiet (and the anger burns inside). Other people vent this anger outward, and often this comes out as yelling and shouting. And although this may be your default experience, you can change this with the skills I cover in this lesson. Increase…
    Read 280 times Read more...
  • How can I handle my toddlers roller coaster emotions?
    How can I handle my toddlers roller coaster emotions? As our children develop, so they are learning about their own emotions during this stage. It can really help for a parent to see their role in supporting their children make meaning of these emotions, instead of blaming and accusing their children for having them. A good example of changing your wording can be seen below: Instead of saying "You are a bad boy." or "You are wrong." Label the behavior instead of the person:…
    Read 283 times Read more...
  • The secret praise skill pyschologists use so they're always honest and authentic.
    The secret praise skill pyschologists use so they're always honest and authentic. This lesson comes from my latest online course and covers my favourite skill and the one I use each and every day without any risk of over doing it. Describe what you see or hear without judging it as good or bad. Share what your favourite part is. In any situation you will always have one 'part' that you prefer to another. Therefore by using this skill you will never be lying, or be inauthentic.…
    Read 365 times Read more...
  • What is the proper way to speak to a stubborn teenager?
    What is the proper way to speak to a stubborn teenager? Getting teenagers to listen to your suggestions, your advice and your boundaries is one of the stages of childhood that parents dread the most.  The most important part of dealing with teenagers is the degree to which you can make them feel you are also on their side, EVEN when you put in place your firm boundaries.  The challenge for parents of teenagers is in HOW to assert the authority and control in a way…
    Read 237 times Read more...
  • How to talk to my teenager about the things they do that I don’t like?
    How to talk to my teenager about the things they do that I don’t like? The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents.  Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again? The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his…
    Read 243 times Read more...
  • Your cheeky child says, "Well mom.... that's your problem, not mine."
    Your cheeky child says, "Well mom.... that's your problem, not mine." Parents are getting angry when children are just not taking responsibility for making things work.  It's a great test of patience when you apply a new skill you have learned, only to find your child throws it back in your face, leaving you feeling depleted and angry. But don't panic! This is what conscious and intelligent parenting is all about. We begin to expect the unexpected, and learn how to handle all the curve balls…
    Read 254 times Read more...
  • How can I stop shouting at my child and reacting in anger?
    How can I stop shouting at my child and reacting in anger? The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child. If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it. In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations. Learn new skills that will prevent you from getting to this…
    Read 317 times Read more...
  • What cooperation skills work best on toddlers?
    What cooperation skills work best on toddlers? Understanding the Language-Transition phase will really help you keep your cool when you know your child has heard you, but still doesn't do what you have asked. This lesson looks at the developmental stages of young children and how their language development is faster than their levels of self discipline and control. You will also explore the difference between distraction based techniques, and language based techniques, and when to use one, or the other, or…
    Read 305 times Read more...
  • How do we stop losing control when our boys whine?
    How do we stop losing control when our boys whine? A child that keeps nagging and whining pushes nearly every parent's buttons.  And it seems that regardless of the issue your child is whining about, what seems to bug the most is the WAY in which they bring it to your attention. When they whine like that it kind of comes from a victim-entitlement attitude. So what we are wanting is to support our children in speaking 'CLEARLY' to us, so we can actually 'HEAR'…
    Read 247 times Read more...
  • Is time-out for kids still a good thing to use?
    Is time-out for kids still a good thing to use? 'Time-out' is regularly used by parents and teachers throughout the world. But is it really constructive? Does it really develop your children's values of responsibility, or does it just increase thoughts of revenge and unfairness?
    Read 463 times Read more...
  • I tell my son there are NO monsters under the bed – but he doesn’t believe me
    I tell my son there are NO monsters under the bed – but he doesn’t believe me When it comes to bedtime, children can come up with incredibly imaginative ways to keep you by their side. And monsters hiding under the bed is one of them.And as obvious as it may be to you as the parent that there are no monsters under the bed, and you can prove this to them, they still don't believe you.
    Read 280 times Read more...
  • Robin Booth on WE CHOOSE RESPECT PARENTCAST
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  • 3 clever parenting skills that will help you survive the holiday season
    3 clever parenting skills that will help you survive the holiday season Children on holiday, extended family cramped into your house, patience decreasing and tensions mounting? The holiday season has its risks: The statistics show increased divorce and suicide rates! Now this may not be due to parenting challenges but there is no doubt that this period of time has its parenting downs as well as highs. So here are my top 3 skills for managing the lows, and building up the highs, so you can move…
    Read 909 times Read more...
  • How to support your child persevere when they want to give up
    How to support your child persevere when they want to give up "My son gives up when an activity starts becoming difficult... how can I support him persevere?" You may have mixed emotions when you see your child struggling with an activity. Discomfort, irritation, frustration, empathy, and at times your heart goes out to them when you can see they are giving their all. And then they want to give up! But what can you do to keep them persevering, even when it gets tough? What words…
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  • Mom, he is not letting me have a turn on the ipad!
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  • You can't use my ipad ever again!
    You can't use my ipad ever again! Here's a story about a mother who was worried about her 11 year old son playing too many games on her ipad. So should she forbid him to ever play it again, or maybe try this idea I shared with her...
    Read 854 times Read more...
  • Your choice of words may be harming your child
    Your choice of words may be harming your child Avoid these words below as they hamper your child's language development.Of course you want the best for your child! And I know you don't want to see a look like this picture above on your child's face. But your choice of words may be doing more harm than good. So I am going to share with you how you can change that with the following simple skil.
    Read 1038 times Read more...
  • What a child says after me getting her to be more respectful: Problem Solving
    What a child says after me getting her to be more respectful: Problem Solving You want your child to be more polite and respectful. But how do you get that? And how do you get her to feel inspired to take on that challenge? Robin shows you the results of a problem solving session where she rated herself at a 4 out of 10 in being respectful at the beginning of the session, and ended off with a big smile and inspired by the possibilty of being 10 out…
    Read 1122 times Read more...
  • Star charts: The Observation Model in detail
     Star charts: The Observation Model in detail This is the most powerful model of the star chart concept that I know. Its the simplest and most powerful of all the models as it requires the least skill, the least time and effort, and is the simplest to understand for both you and your child.  
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  • The Top 5 things Robin Booth learnt about Parenting and Cooperation with Randi Zuckerberg
    The Top 5 things Robin Booth learnt about Parenting and Cooperation with Randi Zuckerberg Randi Zuckerberg and her brother Mark started Facebook together. In many ways she has been accredited with the phenomenal growth of Facebook due to her marketing skills. And she is a parent. I met her last year (2013) in the USA, and have listed below the Top 5 things I learnt from her during that  conversation on parenting, children and what motivates people.  Read on...
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  • Amanda has other parents watching her as she deals with her fighting and upset children
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  • Taflyn takes her injured and screaming child to the hospital, and is scared herself
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  • Star charts: The Perseverance Model
    Star charts: The Perseverance  Model Just one model of a star chart is not enough. Your child may be excited to start, but if they don't experience some form of success continously, they may lose interest and drive. So how do you keep them motivated, even while they may be slipping up and not always succeeding at what they are learning? Learning is a process... so read on to find out how to keep their sprits up and feeling they…
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  • Star charts: Bribery and Manipulation, or a great tool? The Observation Model
    Star charts: Bribery and Manipulation, or a great tool? The Observation Model Are star charts just another form of Bribery? And how can you keep a child motivated over a long period of time? And how do you determine what the prize/ celebration will be? In all my research on Star charts, there is only one basic model, and it really only works in certain situations, and for a short amount of time. That's not good enough for me. So I want to share some of my…
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  • Rene cleverly uses the DISC profile to get a pay increase
    Rene cleverly uses the DISC profile to get a pay increase Rene has asked for a pay-rise on two previous occasions. She was now angry ,frustrated, and impatient. And then she realised that her boss was a high "C" in the disc profile and she was approaching him with her high "D" profile. So she figured out what to do and got her pay rise. Watch the video to see how she did it. length: 05:15
    Read 1191 times Read more...
  • Choices within a boundary - what if they reply... I don't want to...?
    Choices within a boundary - what if they reply... I don't want to...? Have you had that situation where you apply a skill and it doesn't work? So you apply a variation of the skill, and it still doesn't work? Your child replies with, "I don't want to..." Well this happened to Mari and she asked me what she could do... This video was my reply, taking her deeper into the insights of the skill of "Setting the boundary and giving choices within the boundary." length: 13:25
    Read 1122 times Read more...
  • 3 children in my bed - and how I changed it to a morning of flow
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  • Filming teachers using the Praise skills with Children
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  • How to avoid the mistakes that parents make when using praise
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  • Why these parents are getting these incredible results.
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  • I want the truth. Who started it?
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  • If you ever get stuck, ask yourself these questions
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  • When I was 7 yrs old, my mother made this gift for my children.
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  • A parent takes Robin's suggestion on how to get their son to sleep in his own bed.
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  • Is every day of my parenting life going to be like this? Hear Brad's response
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  • The top 5 reasons why intelligent parenting will lead to success
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  • Do you have these qualities of an Intelligent Parent?
    Do you have these qualities of an Intelligent Parent? 1.    If things are not working for an intelligent parent, they do not just resign themselves to accepting the way things are. 2.    They know they can have it all, while still enjoying the meaningful connections to their children and other family members.3.    They have a deep respect for themselves and for other others and for life.4.    They know that they have the responsibility to make it work in their family relationships and keep striving…
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  • What you need to know about empowering a child
    What you need to know about empowering a child By Robin Booth  One of the biggest assumptions parents make is believing that having an empowered and confident child will make life easier for them. Maybe now their children will listen, pack away, do their homework on their own without being nagged at etc. But in order to handle an empowered child, you need to up your own skill sets, otherwise your buttons will really be pushed and you will revert back to the traditional…
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  • If we could do this in schools
    If we could do this in schools By Robin Booth I believe that a posisble answer to our education challenges stares us in the face everyday. It is people who MAKE education, and not education that makes people. What would it be like for us to create the results we are so wishing for in our education system becuase of who we ARE? That is my wish and is the premise that the Synergy Schooling Approach proved. Here is a short video…
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