If you don't know which techniques of yours are damaging your child, then how will you be able to change them?
Below are some of the techniques parents use to get their children to cooperate.
This information is taken from the online parenting course: "How to get your kids to cooperate, even when they don't want to."
And most modern day parents intuitively knowthat these 'techniques' are not really emotionally intelligent.
But as they are not sure of other powerful alternatives, they default to the traditional techniques their own parents used on them.
Notice that the same 'techniques' are used throughout the different ages.
Look to see which are the ones you use and notice that all these techniques make the child feel bad, negative and dis-empowered.
Trying to get your child to pack away their toys and keep their room tidy.
- Accusing and Blaming:Your toys are still on the floor even though I have told you three times to pack away! What's the matter with you anyway? How many times do I have to tell you to pack away neatly? The trouble with you is that you never listen!
- Calling them names: This place looks like a pig sty. You are so messy and so un-cooperative.
- Threatening them: Just you dare not listen to me again and you will know what anger is really about. If you do not clean this up by the time I count to 3 you will be in trouble!
- Commanding: I want you to clean up your room this minute! Do it right now!
- Guilt: The lecture and Moral: do you know, there are children out there who have no toys. And here you are not caring about the toys you have. How would you like it if we gave all your toys to those children. Maybe that would teach you a lesson.
- Warnings: Watch it! You're going to stand on your toys!
- Martyrdom phrases: I worked hard for the money to buy these toys. I feel I'm going crazy just telling you again and again.
- Comparing to another:Why can't you be more like your sister? She always packs her toys away neatly.
- Sarcastic remarks: Do you think this is a clean room? Not even a pig would want to live here?
- Prophecy: if you don't learn to pack away your things neatly, then no one will want to be your friend later on.
- Bribery: If you pack away your toys quickly, then you can have that ice-cream after supper.
Trying to get them to do their chores every day
- Accusing and Blaming: I keep telling you to do these things every day. You don't listen to me and I feel I am talking to a deaf person. When are you going to grow up?
- Calling them names: You're so irresponsible and un-thoughtful to what other people's needs are.
- Threatening them: If you do not do what you need to do every day, I will take away your play station and ban you from TV for the next two weeks.
- Commanding: You are going to do these things right now, before anything else! Let's go!
- Guilt: The lecture and Moral: Do you know that there are children younger than you that have to cook and clean the house?
- Warnings: Be careful. This lazy pattern of yours is going to make trouble for you!
- Martyrdom phrases: I feel like a stuck record just saying the same thing over and over again. I don't know if I can handle this anymore.
- Comparing to another: When I was younger, I had not only to do these chores but even more.
- Sarcastic remarks: Who do you think I am? Your slave to pick up your things everyday?
- Prophecy: If you keep thinking like this you're going to grow up to be a spoilt brat.
- Bribery: If you do your chores today and tomorrow then I wont tell your teacher that you have not been doing your homework.
Getting your child to turn down their music
- Accusing and Blaming: Every day I ask you to turn your music down and you ignore me.
- Calling them names: You really are insensitive to the other people in this house.
- Threatening them: You had better turn that music down or I will come in and do it myself.
- Commanding: Turn it down right now!
- Guilt: The lecture and Moral: The neighbours next door are probably just trying to have a normal conversation. But now all they can hear is your music. How would you like it if I had a megaphone to your ear while you were trying to study.
- Warnings: Turn it down, or you will burst your eardrums!
- Martyrdom phrases: Listening to that same song over and over again is giving me a huge headache. Boom boom boom!
- Comparing to another: At least Jonathan puts his headphones on.
- Sarcastic remarks: How can you listen to that music? It sounds like dogs and cats are fighting in the street.
- Prophecy: If you keep listening to music like that you will go deaf and then it will be too late.
- Bribery: If you turn down the music I will let you choose which TV channel we will be watching tonight.
Getting you partner to put the dirty dishes in the sink
- Accusing and Blaming: Honey, I have to keep reminding you to put them away. Why don't you ever listen?
- Calling them names: Your brain is like sieve the way you keep forgetting. You are such a bad example to the children.
- Threatening them: You had better pack away the dishes , or else I am not washing anything up.
- Commanding: Pack it away now!
- Guilt: The lecture and Moral: Every day, I do the shopping and prepare supper for us. Why is it that you don't seem to do much for me? Do you think it's fair the way I have to clean up after you?
- Warnings: Watch it! We're going to get infestations.
- Martyrdom phrases: I feel like I'm becoming the miserable wife, asking you again and again to pack away the dishes. I am also so tired by the time I go to bed, but I don't complain to you.
- Comparing to another: Even the children pack the dishes away.
- Sarcastic remarks: Honey I love you dearly but we live in the modern world now. We are no longer teenagers living in digs.
- Prophecy: If you keep going on like this you are going to turn out to be a disappointing husband.
- Bribery: Honey I'll make you that special desert you like if you put the dishes away.