This lesson comes from my latest online course and covers my favourite skill and the one I use each and every day without any risk of over doing it.
- Describe what you see or hear without judging it as good or bad.
- Share what your favourite part is.
In any situation you will always have one 'part' that you prefer to another. Therefore by using this skill you will never be lying, or be inauthentic. And you don't even have to know what you are praising.
Describing your favourite part is the skill most used by parents as there is no risk of overpraising or 'fake' praising.
Getting teenagers to listen to your suggestions, your advice and your boundaries is one of the stages of childhood that parents dread the most.
The most important part of dealing with teenagers is the degree to which you can make them feel you are also on their side, EVEN when you put in place your firm boundaries.
The challenge for parents of teenagers is in HOW to assert the authority and control in a way that keeps the teenager feeling she still has autonomy and feels empowered.
When a parent realises that their default parenting style was not really their choice but more of something inherited from their own parents and culture, then new possibilities open up.
But it is not your FAULT for this… you did not choose this as you were growing up.... but now it is your responsibility to do something about it.
The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents.
Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again?
The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his teen son who had started missing school classes and didn't show any care that he was now in trouble.
The idea behind this lesson is how to get children to think and process their actions without us risking them shutting down the conversation with "Just leave me alone... you don't understand'.
By coming from a 'space of inquiry' and asking more questions than giving advice, we create a space for our teenagers to think through their actions, and out of this, take greater responsibility.
Parents are getting angry when children are just not taking responsibility for making things work.
It's a great test of patience when you apply a new skill you have learned, only to find your child throws it back in your face, leaving you feeling depleted and angry.
But don't panic! This is what conscious and intelligent parenting is all about. We begin to expect the unexpected, and learn how to handle all the curve balls so we can continue getting that FLOW back into the family.
This lesson is a great one in how to ABSORB their comments, and then REDIRECT them back to what you are needing.
The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child.
If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it.
In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations.
- Learn new skills that will prevent you from getting to this kind of situation in the first place. Learn how to invite cooperation instead of having to resort to punishment and harsh boundaries. This is not just wishy-washy skills but strategic steps (more like a science than magic).
- Increase you own levels of emotional intelligence and shift from being a reactive parent to a responsive one. Put in the effort to do some personal development work.
- Learn how to apologize effectively (and this is not just about saying sorry) and take responsibility for what happened in the shouting and repair the broken trust and connectedness between you.
Being an emotionally intelligent parent is not about being perfect, or getting it right. It's about being in relationship and working with the challenging situations that arise, leaving everyone feeling empowered and their needs taken to heart.
Understanding the Language-Transition phase will really help you keep your cool when you know your child has heard you, but still doesn't do what you have asked.
This lesson looks at the developmental stages of young children and how their language development is faster than their levels of self discipline and control.
You will also explore the difference between distraction based techniques, and language based techniques, and when to use one, or the other, or both.
You need your children to cooperate with you. And best to learn how to get them to do so before you get really angry with them.
A child that keeps nagging and whining pushes nearly every parent's buttons.
And it seems that regardless of the issue your child is whining about, what seems to bug the most is the WAY in which they bring it to your attention. When they whine like that it kind of comes from a victim-entitlement attitude.
So what we are wanting is to support our children in speaking 'CLEARLY' to us, so we can actually 'HEAR' what they are saying, and maybe out of that we can support them.
Just telling your child NOT to whine is like putting fuel on a fire... it's counter productive and leaves them feeling like you don't care.
This lesson gives you the exact wording you can say that will get your child to stop whining and move you forward in resolving what is needed.
'Time-out' is regularly used by parents and teachers throughout the world. But is it really constructive? Does it really develop your children's values of responsibility, or does it just increase thoughts of revenge and unfairness?
When it comes to bedtime, children can come up with incredibly imaginative ways to keep you by their side. And monsters hiding under the bed is one of them.
And as obvious as it may be to you as the parent that there are no monsters under the bed, and you can prove this to them, they still don't believe you.
What is the future of education? What will schools teach in the future? Or more importantly, what should the school be teaching tight now!
Robin is interviewed by one of the Top Parent Podcasts listed on iTunes.
Children on holiday, extended family cramped into your house, patience decreasing and tensions mounting?
The holiday season has its risks: The statistics show increased divorce and suicide rates! Now this may not be due to parenting challenges but there is no doubt that this period of time has its parenting downs as well as highs.
So here are my top 3 skills for managing the lows, and building up the highs, so you can move from Survive to Thrive over the holiday season.
- Describing what you see to get cooperation
- Giving yourself time to think so you respond intelligently opposed to reacting with threats
- Building them up and increasing the feeling of love and connectedness.
"My son gives up when an activity starts becoming difficult... how can I support him persevere?"
You may have mixed emotions when you see your child struggling with an activity. Discomfort, irritation, frustration, empathy, and at times your heart goes out to them when you can see they are giving their all.
And then they want to give up!
But what can you do to keep them persevering, even when it gets tough? What words can you say that will keep them going?
What would you do if your two children kept fighting over whose turn it was on the ipad? How do you decide whose turn it is, and what is fair for both children?
Avoid these words below as they hamper your child's language development.
Of course you want the best for your child! And I know you don't want to see a look like this picture above on your child's face.
But your choice of words may be doing more harm than good. So I am going to share with you how you can change that with the following simple skil.
You want your child to be more polite and respectful.
But how do you get that? And how do you get her to feel inspired to take on that challenge?
Robin shows you the results of a problem solving session where she rated herself at a 4 out of 10 in being respectful at the beginning of the session, and ended off with a big smile and inspired by the possibilty of being 10 out of 10 and a role model for her family!