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Displaying items by tag: emotions
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How my son's sock causes mayhem in my day

I woke up after having a bad night sleep and had a grumpy 7 year old on my hands at the same time. My son hates his school shoes and socks as the socks slip down and go to his toes. He says this happens all the time and he makes sure he tells me about it all the time. 

This particular morning it was his socks, a sore on his arm and his school top was now upsetting him more. But this time I used the skills we learnt and really listened. I looked at his arm, acknowledged his feelings and asked what we could do to make it feel better.

He came up with a plaster idea and we made our way to the kitchen and sorted it out.  The morning was calm after that and what I have noticed is that when I take the time to acknowledge his experience and deal with it, the drive to school is calm and everyone is happy verses a downhill mayhem – amazing. 

Published in Emotions

On Saturday Bonnie was very upset with one of her friends, she went into her room and was screaming and tearing up a magazine, I went into her room and was listening to what she was saying. “I have no luck and my life is hard and nothing ever goes right for me”.

In the past I have dismissed her or told her that she was being silly but I decided to try something different and asked her to close her eyes. I then made all kinds of weird noises and told her to open her hands. I placed 2 magical bags in her hands, the one had luck in it and he other one had love.

I then pretended that I was sprinkling magic dust of love and luck on her from the bags, then made a big deal about tying the bags up and told her to keep them safe in her pockets. It worked so well, she stopped crying almost immediately and told me she loved me so much.

I was very surprised that it worked so well. I have been including fantasy into our lives everyday since then, it is really great and it brings a fun element into parenting.

Published in Emotions

Today was a very powerful session (and quite emotional too) and my husband and I were reflecting tonight how much we’re enjoying the course. Then – the challenge presented itself.

Background - Jack asked for a “duvet day” yesterday (he’s allowed one a term) and he was up and down to the loo several times that morning (a clear sign that he’s feeling anxious) so that’s what we did. This morning was all fine until we got a message from Tessa that Jack was not feeling well, so we ended up taking him home at eleven.

He said he was feeling sick but was fine at home, playing and teasing his brother etc. Then bedtime…., he said he was feeling sick and again up and down to the loo. Each time one of us wanted to leave his side he became quite panicky and said he wanted to come downstairs with us, he was feeling sick.

After an hour and a half I was doing the usual asking if there was anything he was worried about and “Jack, I believe you’re feeling sick, but you’re NOT sick, I’m just downstairs and I’ve got to go and cook supper for dad and I”.

Panicked, teary child downstairs two minutes later and “I wish I could go to sleep, but I can’t”. So up I went again and was just lying with him, quietly but silently frustrated as he made another trip to the loo and then asked for yet another minute when I said I had to go. And then I thought about our session this morning, about being present with our children, praising them and acknowledging the people in our lives.

I said something along the lines of that I was really proud of him the way he had dealt with the move to his new school, that he had made friends and his teacher thought he was really special, and he was happy to go to school again and enjoying learning and that his new school looked like it was really working for him.

I went on to say that his body was telling me that something wasn’t working for him right now and it could be at home, school or about life but in the same way that I was trying hard to tell him and his brother when the situation wasn’t working for me (rather than just lose my temper and shout -and scare them), I needed him to tell me what wasn’t working for him so we could look at how we could make it work for him – in the Synergy way!

I asked if he wanted to share anything and he said no, so I told him I didn’t need to know right now but when he felt he had something to share, I was ready to listen. The tension in his little body eased immediately. I left, he came downstairs to cuddle while I was cooking and when I went upstairs five minutes later, he was asleep. On reflection, I guess it was just observing and describing what was going on rather than asking for answers and trying to fix the problem. Powerful Stuff!!

Published in Emotions

Fenn has been really unhappy this week and I tired the skills of listening and fantasy. I am so surprised about how well this works.

Fenn was crying because of staying at home around the swimming pool instead of going to the beach and sea. I first conveyed to him my understanding that he thought that the sea was nicer than being in the swimming pool water (in other words making him feel understood

Published in Emotions
%AM, %24 %958 %2012 %00:%Mar

My attitude makes his injections easier

I have noticed a real difference this week. The change, not surprisingly, has come from a change in my attitude. Brandon needed to have blood drawn on Monday and a painful injection today. Instead of getting frustrated and telling him that I know it hurts but he has no choice, I really listened to him.

While in the car going for the blood tests he was very upset, screaming that he didn't want to go and that it would hurt. I was honest with him and said:  "Yes it would hurt but not for very long. I know you are scared and that is ok. It's not nice for you to have to have injections, I would be nervous too. I will be with you the whole time and help you through it."

While the crying continued he was not quite so hysterical and neither was I. He got over it much quicker than usual. I felt more confident in supporting him. Although there wasn't much of a change in behaviour it was a definite improvement as there was greater understanding from me.

I have realised that it is not just getting them to listen and do what I need them to do but being willing to listen to them and let them do what they need to do sometimes, even if it is not the best thing at the time for me.

Published in Emotions
%AM, %20 %958 %2012 %00:%Mar

It's raining pink pops!

This morning, my son Brian, (2 and a half years old), wanted pink pops in his bowl. But the box was finished and he was really upset and started crying. I used the skills of giving fantasy and said, "You really want pink pops for breakfast today, hey?"

He nodded.

"I am sorry Brian the pink pops are finished but imagine 6 boxes of pink pops coming down from the sky and lots of pink pops pouring down into your bowl. That would be really great, hey?" The crying was history and his eyes were lighting up with excitement.

 "Yes!”

I carried on with questions as to what it would be like for him, “And if  lots of different cereals could pour down, which ones would you choose?"

"Pink pops... and Special K... and Pronutro, and Cheerio’s".

The pink pops drama had swiftly come to an end.

Published in Emotions
%AM, %14 %958 %2012 %00:%Mar

Lending a helping hand

This afternoon, my daughter's play date friend, Mary (5 year old), did not want to go home. She badly wanted to go with us to a friend’s house, Belinda, for a swim. She started crying and closing herself down.

Her mom started explaining to her that they needed to go home because they also had a special visitor at their house.   Although the mom was squatting down and was at eye-level to her child,  (she is a very tall woman), it did not make her daughter stop crying at all.

So I said: " It sounds like you really want to go to Belinda's house, don't you?"

"Yes!"  she replied.

"And it seems that you are sad that you are not going."

"Yes", she replied again. The crying had reduced considerably and she was looking at me now. I said, "Well I've got an idea. Let's organize a visit to Belinda’s for next week. Which day would you like to go?”
Her mom said Wednesday was good, so I continued with Mary,  "How does Wednesday sound to you?".

She replied:  "Good, " and she was calm again. The mom was very impressed with my new skills.

Published in Emotions
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