One way how to get your child to stop complaining
On average a child hears the word "No" or "Don't" over 400 times a day. I've been here at this playpark for an hour and lost count after the 200th time.
"Don't jump into the pool"
"Don't run on the grass"
"Stop whining while I put sunscreen on your face"
But the following example was my favourite one: "Do you think complaining that your friend is not here is going to help the situation?"
What you need to know about empowering a child
By Robin Booth
One of the biggest assumptions parents make is believing that having an empowered and confident child will make life easier for them. Maybe now their children will listen, pack away, do their homework on their own without being nagged at etc.
But in order to handle an empowered child, you need to up your own skill sets, otherwise your buttons will really be pushed and you will revert back to the traditional techniques used on you.
I call that stage of empowerment, the vomit stage and..
If we could do this in schools
By Robin Booth
I believe that a posisble answer to our education challenges stares us in the face everyday. It is people who MAKE education, and not education that makes people. What would it be like for us to create the results we are so wishing for in our education system becuase of who we ARE? That is my wish and is the premise that the Synergy Schooling Approach proved.
Here is a short video clip where I share some of my thoughts on this.
That boy strangled my son leaving bruise marks on his neck. He needs to be punished.
I got a phone call from a mother who was nearly in tears. She said, "An 11 year old boy had a fight with my son and strangled him leaving bruise marks on his neck. My son is a nervous wreck now. And I want revenge! I feel like a tigress whose cub has been hurt."
How to unlock the boundaries that are not working for you
The first time they don't keep the boundary I get frustrated that they didn't listen to me.
The second time I start complaining that they don't take me seriously.
The third time I get really angry and start threatening them.
The fourth time I lose it.
The fifth time I look to see how I can punish them. Maybe that will teach them a lesson.
The sixth time.... oh my...already on the 6th time... I just give up. Children will be children.
The following video clip shows how and why this happens. It doesn't have to be this way.
The three things you need to know in setting intelligent boundaries
To put a boundary in place with your children depends on your skills in the following three areas.
- The Detail
- The Delivery
- The Diligence
Otherwise you end up having to resort to shouting, threats, punishment and manipulation. I choose not to do that in my household. Watch this video clip to find out more about setting really great boundaries in a dignified and respectful way.
How I got our 5 year old to do some adventure sports
- How do I get a 5 year old to step out of her comfort zone and take on new challenges that may be scary for her?
- How can I increase the emotional intelligence of my child?
- How do I create a mind set for my child of one of 'success'?
- Going horse back riding over night: 6 hours on horse
- Ziplining by herself over trees and the canyon
- Caving underground with bats and spiders
- Facing a nervous mother Rhino
On a recent trip to Swaziland, I took on the challenge of doing just that. Here is a video clip of achieving those goals.
Your Parenting Enneagram insights
This is what you will find out below:
- what values and characteristics form the underlying foundation of your parenting style
- ways to avoid unconsciously imposing your world view on your child
- what gets in your way of having really amazing relationships with your spouse/ partner and child
- how to increase your own personal growth which results in you being a better parent
I have spent a long time scouring the internet for some really useful insights into the different Enneagram types and how this relates to your parenting. I have personally I have found this incredibly helpful in understanding myself, my relationships, and my parenting style.
If you haven't taken your FREE ENNNEAGRAM TEST to find out which TYPE you are, then click here to have your mind blown away.
The www.enneagraminstitute.com is a really great resource and a lot of the information below comes from that site. Obviously I am wanting to emphasise how these insights can support you in being a better parent so have just included it here for you.
I have split up this information into the following topics:
- In parenting
- In relationships
- In personal growth
- Understand more about how you influence your child's personality
In Parenting
The following chart indicates a few of the major expectations of each type of parent toward their children, no matter what type their children may actually be. Being aware of these unconscious expectations and not allowing yourself to manipulate your children into having to measure up to them will go a long way toward improving parent-child relationships.
What Parents Expect from Their Children | |
Type one | May demand self-control, reasonableness, regularity, and the ability to delay rewards—that their child be a Little Adult |
Type two | May demand generosity, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, and attention to others—that their child be a Little Helper |
Type three | May demand being outstanding at tasks, fulfilling family hopes, physical perfection, and popularity—that their child be a Little Star |
Type four | May demand sensitivity, artistic creativity, emotional depth, and understanding—that their child be a Little Therapist |
Type five | May demand independence, studiousness, intellectual gifts, and curiosity—that their child be a Little Genius |
Type six | May demand dependability, obedience, perseverance, and trustworthiness—that their child be a Little Trouper |
Type seven | May demand vitality, good humor, resilience, and spontaneity—that their child be a Little Entertainer |
Type eight | May demand toughness, self-sufficiency, courage, and willpower—that their child be a Little Entrepreneur |
Type nine | May demand quietness, lack of demands, gentleness, and non-needinesss—that their child be a Little Angel |
One of the best attitudes for parents to have toward their children is
Your parenting style answered using the DISC profile test
This will help you understand your parenting style better.
A few weeks ago (17th May, you can see it here)I posted a blog on how you can do the DISC personality profile test (worth $250) for free. And below are some interpretations on how those scores relate to your parenting style and why some of that 'FLOW' in the home may not be working as well as you want.
I am a high 'S' and 'C' type whcih means I love stability, routine and attention to detail. No wonder I am good at setting boundaries and ensuring they are kept. My profile is also great at doing it the correct way the first time (great for getting cooperation and discipline).
But I'm a low 'I' which means I am more introverted and 'cool'. The children find me less approachable, and difficult to read. It now makes sense why I spend so much time on learning communication skills because I was never a natural. I had to learn all the tricks so I could get the results I need.
Here are my last 2 days of work on finding insights and material so you can interpet your own scores form the perspective of parenting and better understand why you parent the style you do, and how you can avoid some of the mistakes you didn't know the causes of.
Kim shares how shouting was about making her child afraid of her, and now how she changed that.
- You don't want to sound strict and overbearing so what do you do to get their cooperation?
- You find yourself shouting, even though you really don't want to be a shouter?
- You are overwhelmed by all the skills - so this is what Kim did - take one at a time.
In this video clip taken from the online session on the Alternatives to Saying No!, Kim shares her breakthrough in getting her children to cooperate without using threat, manipulation and shouting.