This week has been a particularly stressful week, compared to last week which went rather smoothly. At some point this week I felt despondent, disempowered and some what disappointed. I was questioning myself, the course etc.

It was as if Ethan went to bed as 'Ethan the good' and woke up the next morning as 'Ethan the Horrible'.... He has this sense of entitlement and control, things must only be done on his terms. He is a rather challenging child on an average day so as you can imagine things have been rather tense.

This is from an eight year old and I dread to think of how a fifteen year old would be like. Joshua on the other hand is making up for lost time and has felt the need to irritate his brother, he seems to be getting a smug kick out of it. He has his own sense of entitlement.

This morning I was pondering the whole situation and broke the last month down into parts and realized that it all part of the process. This is how it is meant to be for us and I can now see the bigger picture and do not have unrealistic expectations.

We have shifted as a family and are all going through major shifts and adjustments of our own. I look at Brad and how he has had to shift in such a dramatic way in such a short period of time to keep up with Ethan and Joshua. I have had to be on my toes and try to be one step ahead of the whole family to keep everyone grounded with the progression of change.

I now can look back and think that in fact we have come pretty far and we have not too badly at all. Yes things are not perfect but they will never and we are learning “ to make lemonade when handed lemons” with the tools we have.

I said to Emily “this room is a mess” “toys and things everywhere”. She looked around her and agreed readily. I gently asked her what she thinks can be done about it.

She suggested tidying up the toys and crafts cupboard first. I asked her, as we were going to school and work when she thought she would get it done by. She said by the next afternoon. This was done beautifully without a reminder.

I was very proud of her and congratulated her on the fine effort. I did not get the whole room tidied but, also learnt that perhaps it is better to tackle a BIG mess in small parts.

It was after bath time, Sussie was TIRED (really grouchy, prone to tearfulness and general meltdown). We both walked into her room to start the cream and pyjama routine and I saw all her toys on the floor from earlier.

I had purposefully left them there for her to clean up when we came home. It would have been so easy for me to pick them up quickly after she was in bed. Instead I asked her, "Please Sussie put your toys away quickly.'

No response from Sussie, she was ignoring me. I was about to ask again, when, despite my own tiredness and eagerness to get her to bed, I remembered my new skill. "We're tired Sussie, Sussie, this is your toys talking. Can we go to bed too?" She turned around IMMEDIATELY and began packing them in their box.

I continued, "We love to cuddle with each other, warm and safe in the cupboard at night, thanks Sussie." I swear that within a minute they were all in the box, ready for bed. The rest of our routine went like a dream.

Tonight, Brian (my youngest of two and a half years old) was postponing bed for about 15 mins with all kinds of futile ideas.

I said, “Come lets go to bed Brian!”
“NO! I don't want to go to bed.” He was clearly upset, his foot stomping down and looking at me very determined.
I tried a different tactic by showing him I wanted to understand. I said "So it sounds like you don't want to go to bed now?"
“No!”

I said to him that I would love to take him to bed now and I would like to know what I could do to take him to bed without him crying?

Surprisingly, he just said, “Ok we can go now”. I could not believe this. It is as though my just showing him that I had wanted to understand was the puzzle that unlocked him. YES!

I woke up after having a bad night sleep and had a grumpy 7 year old on my hands at the same time. My son hates his school shoes and socks as the socks slip down and go to his toes. He says this happens all the time and he makes sure he tells me about it all the time. 

This particular morning it was his socks, a sore on his arm and his school top was now upsetting him more. But this time I used the skills we learnt and really listened. I looked at his arm, acknowledged his feelings and asked what we could do to make it feel better.

He came up with a plaster idea and we made our way to the kitchen and sorted it out.  The morning was calm after that and what I have noticed is that when I take the time to acknowledge his experience and deal with it, the drive to school is calm and everyone is happy verses a downhill mayhem – amazing. 

Today was a very powerful session (and quite emotional too) and my husband and I were reflecting tonight how much we’re enjoying the course. Then – the challenge presented itself.

Background - Jack asked for a “duvet day” yesterday (he’s allowed one a term) and he was up and down to the loo several times that morning (a clear sign that he’s feeling anxious) so that’s what we did. This morning was all fine until we got a message from Tessa that Jack was not feeling well, so we ended up taking him home at eleven.

He said he was feeling sick but was fine at home, playing and teasing his brother etc. Then bedtime…., he said he was feeling sick and again up and down to the loo. Each time one of us wanted to leave his side he became quite panicky and said he wanted to come downstairs with us, he was feeling sick.

After an hour and a half I was doing the usual asking if there was anything he was worried about and “Jack, I believe you’re feeling sick, but you’re NOT sick, I’m just downstairs and I’ve got to go and cook supper for dad and I”.

Panicked, teary child downstairs two minutes later and “I wish I could go to sleep, but I can’t”. So up I went again and was just lying with him, quietly but silently frustrated as he made another trip to the loo and then asked for yet another minute when I said I had to go. And then I thought about our session this morning, about being present with our children, praising them and acknowledging the people in our lives.

I said something along the lines of that I was really proud of him the way he had dealt with the move to his new school, that he had made friends and his teacher thought he was really special, and he was happy to go to school again and enjoying learning and that his new school looked like it was really working for him.

I went on to say that his body was telling me that something wasn’t working for him right now and it could be at home, school or about life but in the same way that I was trying hard to tell him and his brother when the situation wasn’t working for me (rather than just lose my temper and shout -and scare them), I needed him to tell me what wasn’t working for him so we could look at how we could make it work for him – in the Synergy way!

I asked if he wanted to share anything and he said no, so I told him I didn’t need to know right now but when he felt he had something to share, I was ready to listen. The tension in his little body eased immediately. I left, he came downstairs to cuddle while I was cooking and when I went upstairs five minutes later, he was asleep. On reflection, I guess it was just observing and describing what was going on rather than asking for answers and trying to fix the problem. Powerful Stuff!!

Charmaine and I were on our way to fetch Yvette from school.  We arrived and were about to get out of the car when I noticed that she had taken her shoes and socks off en route.  I started with: “Come on Charmaine, let’s put your shoes on before we get out of the car and was met with the usual: “No, don’t need my shoes on!”

I started to try and explain that it was cold and wet outside and her feet needed to stay warm and dry but wasn’t getting anywhere.  So instead I said, ‘I know, why don’t we let your feet have a competition? Let’s see which foot can get its shoe on the fastest.  You help your feet get the shoes on and I’ll count and see which one wins.”  Charmaine’s face lit up and there was a mad scramble to get her shoes on.  Job done, quick and easy and so much more fun!

Jane was standing outside her bedroom door not wanting to come in to go to bed.  I was waiting patiently on the inside after having tried sharing information, giving choices and describing how I feel which made me decide to try some humour and imagination.

I pretended to be an airline hostess and Jane’s bedroom was the aeroplane.  We were about to close the doors and fly to Thailand so I needed her to come aboard. At first she just smiled, looked at me and said:  “No thanks. I don’t want to come aboard”.

But I know she loves flying long distance and really wants to go back to Thailand, so I pretended to talk to some people on the plane about what food to expect on the plane and the movie choices.

Within a minute Jane came in willingly and we climbed into bed and continued our role playing of passenger and hostess for a little while longer.

The bedtime was a little later than I had wanted it to be but I really had fun and felt connected at the end of the day. Jane even slept better than she usually does!