If you don't know which techniques of yours are damaging your child, then how will you be able to change them?
This lecture covers some of the default ways most parents are currently using to get their children to cooperate.
Take note that they ALL are based in the negative and undermine the child. The result.... your child feels fear, guilt and powerless!
The most important thing about understanding our modern day parenting crisis is knowing how much this crisis could be costing us.
But we know it costs us frustration and patience.
In this lecture I show you how we calculate how much time we are wasting, as well as how much this could be costing us in money!
45 minutes x 7 days = 22 hours per month x12 months = 270 hours in a year.
We want to parent to the best of our abilities. And at some point on our journey we promise this to our children.
And we want the best for our children.
But how can we prepare them and give them the best chance for happiness and success?
This lecture looks at the top skills that the top companies are looking for in the youth of today. These are the qualities YOU as the parent can develop and nurture in your children.
If you want your children to cooperatre and listen to you the first time around, then try this skill first!
Why? Well.... because it works.. no matter the age of the child, and in nearly all situations.
It's clever, it's fair, it's emotionally intelligent, and creates connection between you and your child.
Getting children to sleep in their own beds, and to fall asleep on their own is one of the most frequent topics that comes up between parents.
And although each family has their own theory about this, there are general things you can do to support the implementation of YOUR choice.
The most strategic and intelligent way to resolve this is to find ways to give your child what they are needing, but on your terms, and according to your timeline. So a win-win scenario.
This lesson looks at examples of how you can implement some of these ideas.
Are you a shouter? 88% of parents find themselves shouting at their children and nearly all of them feel guilty afterwards.
When some people get angry they turn this anger inward and go quiet (and the anger burns inside). Other people vent this anger outward, and often this comes out as yelling and shouting.
And although this may be your default experience, you can change this with the skills I cover in this lesson.
Increase your awareness of what triggers you, learn how to express your anger intelligently and appropriately so your children hear you instead of fear you, and then find ways to practice saying this.
Just by knowing WHAT to do instead of yelling will help in over 40% of the yelling situations you find yourself in.
The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents.
Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again?
The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his teen son who had started missing school classes and didn't show any care that he was now in trouble.
The idea behind this lesson is how to get children to think and process their actions without us risking them shutting down the conversation with "Just leave me alone... you don't understand'.
By coming from a 'space of inquiry' and asking more questions than giving advice, we create a space for our teenagers to think through their actions, and out of this, take greater responsibility.
The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child.
If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it.
In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations.
- Learn new skills that will prevent you from getting to this kind of situation in the first place. Learn how to invite cooperation instead of having to resort to punishment and harsh boundaries. This is not just wishy-washy skills but strategic steps (more like a science than magic).
- Increase you own levels of emotional intelligence and shift from being a reactive parent to a responsive one. Put in the effort to do some personal development work.
- Learn how to apologize effectively (and this is not just about saying sorry) and take responsibility for what happened in the shouting and repair the broken trust and connectedness between you.
Being an emotionally intelligent parent is not about being perfect, or getting it right. It's about being in relationship and working with the challenging situations that arise, leaving everyone feeling empowered and their needs taken to heart.
As our children develop, so they are learning about their own emotions during this stage. It can really help for a parent to see their role in supporting their children make meaning of these emotions, instead of blaming and accusing their children for having them.
A good example of changing your wording can be seen below:
Instead of saying "You are a bad boy." or "You are wrong."
Label the behavior instead of the person: "That is the wrong behaviour'.
But to make it really powerful, understand that an even better way to say this is to label it as "INAPPROPRIATE" behaviour, instead of bad or wrong.
Getting teenagers to listen to your suggestions, your advice and your boundaries is one of the stages of childhood that parents dread the most.
The most important part of dealing with teenagers is the degree to which you can make them feel you are also on their side, EVEN when you put in place your firm boundaries.
The challenge for parents of teenagers is in HOW to assert the authority and control in a way that keeps the teenager feeling she still has autonomy and feels empowered.
When a parent realises that their default parenting style was not really their choice but more of something inherited from their own parents and culture, then new possibilities open up.
But it is not your FAULT for this… you did not choose this as you were growing up.... but now it is your responsibility to do something about it.