Share what you need
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The purpose of this exercise is to support you in re-training your response time to some of the most common everyday situations of when we say No or Don't or Stop. We have given you some possible wordings of the responses to these situations, but please don't see these as absolute and definitive.They are a start. Also, the use of word 'please' depends on certain situations and we have no specific rule for this. We suggest you determine if the specific circumstance you find yourself in requires a gentler approach, then use is as it does soften the statement. We also suggest that if you have alternative responses that work better for you then please use those. Ultimately, the aim of this process is to support you in finding a respectful and positive response that will get you the cooperation you require, at no expense to yourself. We have also found that the more 'fluent' and confident you are in your alternative responses (ie there is no hesitation in your response), then the more powerful your communication will be. That is why we have designed the following exercise to help you learn some responses so they are on the tip of your tongue. Exercise 1: I will read out a list of negative statements, with a pause of 4 seconds before I share what I feel could be an appropriate response. The 4 second pause is an opportunity for you to practice your own response. Then I will read out the next negative statement and wait another 4 seconds before sharing another appropriate response.
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By this point I was frustrated and losing my patience as this had been going on and on
Today, I was struggling to get Tyler and Oliver (both 3 years old) inside the classroom from the balcony, to settle down with some work. After describing that the washing line on the balcony would break if hung upon and that we need to be gentle with it, and reminding them of the groundrules for the balcony, I still had no success!
By this point I was frustrated and losing my patience as this had been going on and on and off for about 15 minutes. Aware of my feelings, I knelt down to their level and looked them in the eyes and calmly yet assertively said: “I feel angry when people do not listen to what I say!”
I wasn’t sure this sat right with me? So I had another go and said: “ I feel angry when my words are not heard!” With that I extended my hand to lead them back to the classroom and they followed.
I have been generalising alot this week (this was my goal), but I have often struggled to find a way of saying what I need to say. I noticed myself replacing “you” with “children” (eg. “I feel angry when children do not listen to me!”). This still did not sit right with me. I have therefore started using “people” since (as in above weekly example with Oliver and Tyler).
I also found that this sentence is so much more powerful: “I feel angry when I am ignored!”
I have also enjoyed using the short and sweet skill eg. “packaway” or “snackmat” etc. I have found it very simple and effective!!!
Do SOMETHING DIFFERENT . That's resonated with my soul
Do SOMETHING DIFFERENT . That's resonated with my soul, and there have been lots of little chances to implement it.
Adrian, now 7, doesn't listen. Ever. This morning I called him for breakfast, and he ignored me. I called again. He ignored again. Usually I would call another 3 times before my husband would come and shout at Adrian for not listening and I would shout at my husband for shouting at Adrian – I know this is silly, but it is how it has been for us.
Do something different I thought.
So I walked over to where Adrian was, and looked him in the eye and said in a firm voice " I have called you twice and you haven't come. I need you to come and eat your breakfast now, and to come when I first call in the future."
He didn't fuss or scream like he usually does, but came and ate his breakfast, and my husband didn't need to get cross, and its a much better dynamic. I know as I do it more and more Adrian will come earlier and earlier. There’s light at the end of my tunnel.
This is where you can put your bucket
My young 2 year old son Jacob likes to play with water and to move the water around. He fills his bucket and then empties it somewhere else. This time he was heading for the lounge, so I quickly stopped him and showed him and used the skill of showing him where he could empty his bucket instead and with just as much fun. And it worked!