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Your Parenting Enneagram insights

Written by Robin Booth

This is what you will find out below:

  • what values and characteristics form the underlying foundation of your parenting style
  • ways to avoid unconsciously imposing your world view on your child
  • what gets in your way of having really amazing relationships with your spouse/ partner and child
  • how to increase your own personal growth which results in you being a better parent

I have spent a long time scouring the internet for some really useful insights into the different Enneagram types and how this relates to your parenting. I have personally I have found this incredibly helpful in understanding myself, my relationships, and my parenting style.

If you haven't taken your FREE ENNNEAGRAM TEST to find out which TYPE you are, then click here to have your mind blown away.

The www.enneagraminstitute.com is a really great resource and a lot of the information below comes from that site. Obviously I am wanting to emphasise how these insights can support you in being a better parent so have just included it here for you.

I have split up this information into the following topics:

  1. In parenting
  2. In relationships
  3. In personal growth
  4. Understand more about how you influence your child's personality

 In Parenting

The following chart indicates a few of the major expectations of each type of parent toward their children, no matter what type their children may actually be. Being aware of these unconscious expectations and not allowing yourself to manipulate your children into having to measure up to them will go a long way toward improving parent-child relationships.

What Parents Expect from Their Children
Type one May demand self-control, reasonableness, regularity, and the ability to delay rewards—that their child be a Little Adult
Type two May demand generosity, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, and attention to others—that their child be a Little Helper
Type three May demand being outstanding at tasks, fulfilling family hopes, physical perfection, and popularity—that their child be a Little Star
Type four May demand sensitivity, artistic creativity, emotional depth, and understanding—that their child be a Little Therapist
Type five May demand independence, studiousness, intellectual gifts, and curiosity—that their child be a Little Genius
Type six May demand dependability, obedience, perseverance, and trustworthiness—that their child be a Little Trouper
Type seven May demand vitality, good humor, resilience, and spontaneity—that their child be a Little Entertainer
Type eight May demand toughness, self-sufficiency, courage, and willpower—that their child be a Little Entrepreneur
Type nine May demand quietness, lack of demands, gentleness, and non-needinesss—that their child be a Little Angel

One of the best attitudes for parents to have toward their children is

an amazed curiosity to support the child's own unfolding. In child rearing, only one thing is certain: children will develop in unexpected ways. If parents try to block the child's natural unfolding, they will not succeed. The unfolding will not stop but merely become distorted and neurotic. It is therefore always best for the parent to observe the child's type (with its innate gifts and capacities) and to elicit the best aspects of the child's type rather than try to change him or her into someone fundamentally different from who he or she already is.

What needs to be said right away in any discussion of parenting is that parents do not create a child's personality type. All Enneagram teachers and researchers agree that personality type is built on temperament and that, in ways we do not fully understand, this is inborn. A child comes into the world with his or her personality type already determined by prenatal events, although we do not know what all of these are. There are theories that type is determined by genetics, by in utero events, by the emotional state of the mother, or even by past lives and the need for a soul to be a certain type to learn the lessons of that type. But the truth is, we really do not know all of the causes of type.

This is not to say that early family conditions and parental influences are not important: far from it. While they do not cause type, they highly influence how emotionally healthy or unhealthy a child becomes. A child who is fortunate enough to be born into a family of well-balanced parents will start life as a relatively healthy example of his or her type. Conversely, a child who is born into a relatively dysfunctional family will have to close down his natural openness, spontaneity, and vitality and need to erect defenses against the various forms of violation that exist in the family. In the authors' terms, one child will be at a healthier Level of Development, while the second child will grow up at a substantially lower, unhealthier, Level. Hence, the second child will have more emotional challenges than the first child.

In short, parenting does count—not to produce a personality type, but to influence how healthy a child of that type will be. It is therefore not difficult to see that when parents work on themselves through psychospiritual tools such as the Enneagram, they are not only doing something good for themselves, they are making possible one of the greatest gifts they could give their children—an emotionally healthy childhood and a happier future. Parents who help their child develop self- esteem, emotional stability, open curiosity, trust in self, an enjoyment of life, strength and self-confidence, easiness with themselves, the ability to regulate themselves, and empathy for self and others (qualities found in the nine types) set the stage for the development of all of their child's potentials and future accomplishments.

One of the most useful areas for parents to become aware of is the differences of fit between themselves and their children. Not every child will be an easy fit for every parent. If two parents are highly energetic, sociable, and extroverted, and their child is quiet, serious, and reserved, the fit between the parents and the child can become strained. The child may unconsciously feel that he or she is a disappointment to the parents, which can cause serious emotional difficulties for the child. The parents might try to manipulate or pressure the child to be more like them. Or they might feel guilty or inadequate for not understanding their child—or even for not completely liking and enjoying their child.

Differences of fit between parents and children can become more clearly understood with the Enneagram. This is not to say that understanding alone will be enough to undo any potential problems. But without insight and understanding there can be no solution to problems. Above all, parents need to see their children not as their possessions to be molded according to their own emotional needs but as independent beings who have their own value and are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.

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In Relationships

One of the main facts of life that we all have to learn is that our happiness depends on the quality of our relationships. We do not thrive in isolation. Having good relationships with intimates, friends, family, and coworkers—with everyone we meet and interact with—is necessary if we are to be happy and fulfilled.

Our relationships are also a bellwether of our emotional and spiritual health: the degree to which we can have healthy, growing relationships mirrors the degree of our psychological functioning as well as our spiritual maturity. It is very difficult for a demanding, fearful, grasping person to have satisfying relationships, whereas a gracious, accepting, and compassionate person most often does. Our own Level of Development (which measures our degree of awareness, non attachment, and freedom from destructive reactions) is the surest gauge of our ability to have and sustain relationships—and to give as well as receive in them.

The Enneagram can help us become much clearer about our relationship values, expectations, communication and argument styles, thinking and decision patterns, ways of resolving conflicts, fears, defenses, and various coping mechanisms—to name just a few of the elements that affect relationships. These apply to marriage, friendships, and professional relationships—to all kinds of interactions. Each personality type thinks differently, has different values and approaches, and wants different things in a relationship. Furthermore, beginning in the average Levels, each type has its own set of issues that make compatibility with other types either more or less difficult. The compatibility strengths and weaknesses for all 45 combinations of types can be described for each (for example, we can talk about what issues Fours and Ones will have, as well as those for Fours and Twos, Fours and Threes, and so forth for all type combinations.)

Good relationships depend on our being able to understand ourselves and others, to see our own needs and the needs of others, and to accept the legitimacy of others' viewpoint while expressing our own. In short, we must be able to treat others as we wish to be treated, even if we have not been treated so well in the past ourselves. Our relationships therefore become the opportunity to revisit the past and to transform ourselves according to more conscious choices in the present.

What Each Type Looks for in a Relationship—and What Interferes
Type one

What they look for- Shared purpose and values, equality, fairness, integrity.

What gets in the way - Insisting on being right at the expense of their connection with the other. Manipulates by correcting others—and by playing on their sense of guilt and inadequacy.

Type two

What they look for Emotional connection, intimacy, warmth, affection.

What gets in the way Insisting on exclusivity and ever more closeness. Manipulates by finding out others' needs and desires and by creating secret dependencies.

Type three

What they look for Social suitability, competence, admirability, attractiveness.

What gets in the way Insisting on career and social status before the relationship. Manipulates by charming others and by adopting whatever image will work.

Type four

What they look for Communication, listening, acceptance, emotional honesty.

What gets in the way Insisting on having all of their emotional needs met immediately. Manipulates by being temperamental and making others walk on eggshells.

Type five

What they look for Curiosity, intensity, involvement, non-intrusiveness.

What gets in the way Insisting on personal space and non-interference. Manipulates by staying preoccupied with ideas and projects and by detaching emotionally from others.

Type six

What they look for Commitment, dependability, shared values, solidity.

What gets in the way Self-doubt and reactivity: vacillating between need for closeness and need for distance. Manipulates by complaining and by testing others' commitment to them.

Type seven

What they look for Stimulation, adventure, excitement, variety.

What gets in the way Insisting on postponing making commitments. Manipulates by staying upbeat and hyperactive and by insisting that others meet their demands for gratification.

Type eight

What they look for Dependability, loyalty, strength, sexual compatibility.

What gets in the way Insisting on maintaining control of others. Manipulates by dominating others and by demanding that others do as they say.

Type nine

What they look for Comfort, peace, harmony, stability.

What gets in the way Insisting on not acknowledging problems and remaining neutral in conflicts. Manipulates by "checking out" and by passive-aggressively resisting others.

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In Personal Growth

We must always remember that the primary use for the Enneagram is for self-discovery and personal growth. The Enneagram helps bring to light what was formerly hidden from us—to "make the unconscious conscious," as Freud put it. From a spiritual perspective, the purpose of the Enneagram is to point out to us the patterns of distortions and illusions that we mistakenly take to be ourselves. It is a tool for self-realization and self- actualization—for clarifying our psyche so that it can be given up in a surrender to the Divine.

The nine types are detailed reminders of our "waking sleep" (as Gurdjieff taught), of "who we are not," rather than identities that cause further attachment to our ego and the perpetuation of our illusions and suffering. As such, the personality types are really catalogues of our own particular case of mistaken identity, and they contain a considerable amount of bad news for our egos. But if we look deeper, we can also see that there is in the Enneagram an implied invitation to stop our self-destructive patterns by seeing them more objectively and compassionately. Our waking up is the beginning of the process of transformation.

 

Each Type's "Wake-Up Call" and Movement toward Liberation
Type one

Awareness of feeling a sense of personal obligation to fix everything themselves—so that they can rise to a profound acceptance of and genuine tolerance for reality.

Type two Awareness of believing that they must go out to others to win them over—so that they can rise to unconditional love of self and others, irrespective of others' reactions to them.
Type three Awareness of always driving themselves to be the best and to get validation—so that they can rise to genuine embodiment of real values and an authentic expression of who they really are.
Type four Awareness of holding on to and intensifying feelings through the imagination—so that they can rise to a self-regenerating connection with reality and endless creativity.
Type five Awareness of withdrawing from reality into concepts and mental worlds—so that they can rise to a profound and objective understanding of how reality really is.
Type six Awareness of becoming dependent on something outside the self for guidance—so that they can rise to become grounded in their own inner guidance and feeling of endless support.
Type seven Awareness of feeling that "something better" is available somewhere else—so that they can rise to a true resting in the moment and a joyous celebration of life.
Type eight Awareness of feeling that they must push and struggle to make things happen—so that they can rise to a true self-surrender to something greater and more lasting than themselves.
Type nine Awareness of the tendency to accommodate themselves outwardly to others—so that they can rise to a genuine remembering of themselves and their own strength, value, and dignity.

Awareness of the tendency to accommodate themselves outwardly to others—so that they can rise to a genuine remembering of themselves and their own strength, value, and dignity.

The Enneagram helps us take concrete steps toward recovering our True Nature, our spiritual selves. But even the most dedicated spiritual seekers generally do not go from a genuine spiritual realization to a permanent transformation without a lot of significant Inner Work over a long period of time. Old patterns of behavior, beliefs, attitudes, values, defenses—and much else—must be exposed and clarified in our psyche. This is not a short, all-at- once process, and one encounters many obstacles and paradoxes along the way.

Yet here again the Enneagram can help to make traveling the path of self-knowledge surer. By exposing the psychospiritual obstacles presented by our type, it makes working with them clearer, especially if we see them in a larger context. By reminding us to bring awareness to the moment, it helps us see our behaviors and motivations, fears and desires, attitudes and defenses in action. By observing ourselves in the moment, we learn to reverse the hidden, self-defeating mechanisms of our type. By fully acknowledging and staying present to our fears, hurts, and cravings without acting them out or repressing them, we discover who we really are and find our inner strength—and a way out of our problems.

If we stay awake to our inner states, even to our suffering, quite miraculously, things begin to shift. We find that life becomes easier, because we can use our time and energy for living creatively rather than wasting them on internal turmoil and conflicts. We also discover that, once our unconscious, automatic patterns start dropping away, we become free of older, limiting identities. We then naturally find ourselves drawn to healthier ways of living and relating—and to a felt sense of our own dignity and the dignity of others.

As we move into a new millennium, we recognize more than ever the vital importance of waking up. By this, we mean not only waking up to the truth of what our personality is up to, but just as important, waking up to the majesty of our depths, to the riches of the spirit. For real change to occur in the world and for human beings to discover their common humanity, there must be real transformation first in each individual so that we can become vehicles of Consciousness. Only by more human beings becoming more deeply conscious will we escape from our self-destructive impulses. This can only happen one person at a time, beginning with ourselves, here and now.

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How you influence your child personality

It's commonly accepted that the Enneagram type has both a genetic component and an environmental component and it's their interaction that decides the final typology. This theory states that there are three major innate orientations of the personality and that we are all born with one of them prevalent over the other two. Furthermore, it suggests that each of the nine Enneagram types is a consequence of the way in which the child's preferred inborn orientation (the hereditary component) interacts with the one that their parent - or main caretaker - has towards them in the forming years (the environmental component).

Three Basic Orientations

The three orientations are an expression of the Law of Three, on which the entire Enneagram concept is based. This law states that there are three kinds of forces that act in the human nature - the Active force, the Responsive force and the Neutral force and that each person is born with a natural preference for one of them.

These three forces are similar to the Hornevian Groups (Assertive, Compliant and Withdrawn respectively), but they are used here in a different context, to describe inborn traits and parental styles rather than established personality.

Here are the associated traits for each basic orientation:

Active: demanding, assertive, bossy, outspoken, intimidating, egocentric, expressive, willful.

Responsive: supportive, responsive, engaging, affectionate, friendly, sympathetic, cooperative.

Neutral: avoidant, withdrawn, indifferent, apathetic, absent, reserved, ignoring, neglectful.

Apparently, each child comes into the world with one of these predefined attitudes toward their environment and each parent will address their children with a certain parenting style, which can be, but isn't necessarily determined by their Enneagram type.

Any Enneagram type can use any of the three orientations to attend to their children. For example - an Enneatype 5 can be a Responsive parent, an Enneatype 8 might use a Neutral approach with their offspring, while an Enneatype 1 may lean towards an Active style. What determines the environmental component of a child's future type is not necessarily the main caretaker's type, but rather their particular approach to relating to the child.


Nine Interaction Scenarios: Child vs. Parent

Here are the 9 childhood scenarios that correspond to each of the 9 Enneagram types.

Active child vs. Active parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 8.

The child and parent experience open conflicts on a regular basis. They both have different agendas and oppose each other, thus giving rise to power struggles and explosive arguments. The Active parent is impatient and intolerant of the child's rebellious nature and tries to impose his will in an authoritarian fashion. The Active child, on the other hand, becomes aggressive, argumentative and persistent in getting his own way. The relationship becomes a sort of battlefield, which is how the child will later perceive the world around him (type 8).

Such a childhood scenario encourages the child to develop a keen eye for spotting other people's weaknesses and a thirst for imposing their will in an overly aggressive fashion. They learn to be assertive, strong and deny their fears and feelings of intimidation. These are the traits they needed to have in order to stand up to their domineering parents and still keep their own Active inborn approach.

Active child vs. Responsive parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 7

The demands and concerns of the Active child are usually received with benevolence and a supportive, encouraging attitude. This creates a tolerant environment in which the child can express himself openly and receive attention without much effort from his part. The Active child becomes self-confident, carefree and expects his interactions to be positive and favorable to his needs. The Responsive parent is sympathetic and loving, thus stimulating the child's playful, self-expressive side and giving him a good deal of personal freedom.

This childhood scenario promotes a cheerful, optimistic type who knows how to charm and manipulate others into easily getting his way. Entertaining and expressive, such a child may later expect instant gratification for all his needs and desires and avoid investing time and effort into long-term goals.

Active child vs. Neutral parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 4

In this relationship, the child usually tries to grab the attention of an indifferent or absent parent, by expressing himself with increasing intensity, until a response is achieved. The Active child may act in a dramatic, exaggerated manner, attempting to get his message across to the unconcerned caretaker. The Neutral caretaker will typically ignore the child's emotional needs, making the youngster feel frustrated, misunderstood and possibly abandoned. Sometimes the child turns these negative feelings inwardly, believing that they are unlovable and not special enough to deserve attention.

This scenario teaches the Active children that they are different than other children that seem to be getting the support they lack. They want to make themselves heard so they amplify their feelings, resorting to dramatic expressions of their emotions. These children may later become overly sensitive, artistic and theatrical, but also melancholic, self-loathing and depressive.

Responsive child vs. Active parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 1

This interaction is generally centered around the parent's agenda, to which the child will subscribe in order to receive the desired approval. The Active parent will be demanding, dominating and will criticize any perceived "bad" behavior. The Responsive child, on the other hand, is unusually sensitive to criticism so he will try to adjust and adhere to the parent's values and perspectives, by being obedient, well-behaved and an altogether "good kid". This attitude will help him build the desired rapport with the fastidious main caretaker.

With time, the child will learn to put aside his real needs and wishes in order to do the right thing, to be correct and morally ethical. These types will prefer to have a clear set of standards and rules to adhere to and will only feel worthy and lovable when they live a righteous life, in accordance with their upstanding principles. Their parents taught them that acceptance comes only through obedience and discipline.

Responsive child vs. Responsive parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 6

This child will usually establish a very close relationship with his caretaker and will tend to become dependent on the nurturing, affectionate figure that offers him support and understanding. A strong desire for harmonious relationships is created and the Responsive child will reject and feel threatened by conflicts and lack of stability. Such types will seek playmates and groups that share their values and interests and will take an 'us against the world' stance, typically towards unfamiliar people and circumstances.

These Responsive children will prefer to play by the rules in order to keep themselves safe from any disharmony that will endanger their comforting, supportive relationships. They will be playful, endearing and loyal to their chosen groups and intimates, while at the same time remaining alert and vigilant to avoid any conflicts and hidden threats. Suspicion of other people's motives can arise as a protection from abandonment and rejection - they are in fact very afraid of losing their safe, nurturing grounds.

Responsive child vs. Neutral parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 2

In this case, the Responsive child will act in a pleasing, appealing matter but will most likely encounter an indifferent attitude on the part of the Neutral parent. Confronted with this apathy and lack of interest, the child can only resort to becoming even more pleasing and irresistible to the parent, until he manages to break through the shell of indifference and obtain the desired rapport. Such types will be helpful, empathetic, lovable and attractive and will have a knack for getting on the same wavelength with their parents - they know when and how to approach them in order to obtain their attention.

Growing up, the Responsive children will learn to intuitively sense and assess other people's moods and will know exactly how to fulfill their needs in order to be appreciated and loved by them. They have a wide repertoire of seductive behaviors and know exactly which approach to use in order to successfully engage others into a close relationship.

Neutral child vs. Active parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 9

The Neutral child is often overwhelmed and frightened by the controlling, domineering Active parent. Lacking self-assertion skills, he prefers to withdraw and stay out of the way, minimizing his own needs and avoiding the parent as much as possible. On the few occasions the child reaches out to the caretaker, he ends up feeling rejected and bullied around for no apparent reason, which causes him to withdraw again. The loneliness, however, also feels like rejection and soon enough the youngster will be ambivalent towards both being alone and being with others.

Most of the time, a compromise will be made. This type will seek out company but will not invest themselves in it, preferring to keep in the background and go with the flow, partly removed from their actual situation. When alone, they will avoid introspection, which will bring about old feelings of depression and rejection, instead they'd rather numb themselves out with food, TV or other unimportant routines to avoid emotional pain.

Neutral child vs. Responsive parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 5

In this relationship, the Responsive parent is inclined to give a lot of unrequested attention to the Neutral child, who perceives his parent's supportive and affectionate attitude as a form of smothering. The youngster will tend to withdraw from his environment, preferring solitary activities and contemplation, but as opposed to the previous scenario (of type 9), loneliness will not be accompanied by a feeling of rejection. At the contrary, being alone is a matter of choice and it gives a feeling of security and well-being, knowing that there is always someone to communicate with when they decide to seek out company.

Such children are genuine loners, who prefer and enjoy their solitude. They are introspective, insightful and love learning and discovering things on their own, usually rejecting any help or intervention from the outside. They are afraid of being intruded upon because their parents used to make a fuss over them and suffocate them with attention and demands for closeness.

Neutral child vs. Neutral parent
This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 3

This Neutral child's solitude is encouraged by his parent's own withdrawal and indifference, which doesn’t necessarily make the Neutral child feel openly rejected, but rather intrigues and challenges him. Serious, focused and rather unemotional, this youngster will most likely try to fulfill his occasional need for attention by impressing his parents with outstanding accomplishments and high aspirations, which make him feel worthy and valuable in their eyes.

Later in life, these children become motivated achievers who put great emphasis on results, performance, efficiency and a successful image that will make others appreciate and admire them. Deep inside they dislike being ignored because it makes them doubt their own value, therefore they tend to hide their weaknesses and flaws and project a desirable, attractive, "I-have-it-all" persona.

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    The secret praise skill pyschologists use so they're always honest and authentic. This lesson comes from my latest online course and covers my favourite skill and the one I use each and every day without any risk of over doing it. Describe what you see or hear without judging it as good or bad. Share what your favourite part is. In any situation you will always have one 'part' that you prefer to another. Therefore by using this skill you will never be lying, or be inauthentic.…
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  • What is the proper way to speak to a stubborn teenager?
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  • How to talk to my teenager about the things they do that I don’t like?
    How to talk to my teenager about the things they do that I don’t like? The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents.  Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again? The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his…
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  • Your cheeky child says, "Well mom.... that's your problem, not mine."
    Your cheeky child says, "Well mom.... that's your problem, not mine." Parents are getting angry when children are just not taking responsibility for making things work.  It's a great test of patience when you apply a new skill you have learned, only to find your child throws it back in your face, leaving you feeling depleted and angry. But don't panic! This is what conscious and intelligent parenting is all about. We begin to expect the unexpected, and learn how to handle all the curve balls…
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  • How can I stop shouting at my child and reacting in anger?
    How can I stop shouting at my child and reacting in anger? The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child. If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it. In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations. Learn new skills that will prevent you from getting to this…
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  • What cooperation skills work best on toddlers?
    What cooperation skills work best on toddlers? Understanding the Language-Transition phase will really help you keep your cool when you know your child has heard you, but still doesn't do what you have asked. This lesson looks at the developmental stages of young children and how their language development is faster than their levels of self discipline and control. You will also explore the difference between distraction based techniques, and language based techniques, and when to use one, or the other, or…
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  • How do we stop losing control when our boys whine?
    How do we stop losing control when our boys whine? A child that keeps nagging and whining pushes nearly every parent's buttons.  And it seems that regardless of the issue your child is whining about, what seems to bug the most is the WAY in which they bring it to your attention. When they whine like that it kind of comes from a victim-entitlement attitude. So what we are wanting is to support our children in speaking 'CLEARLY' to us, so we can actually 'HEAR'…
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  • Is time-out for kids still a good thing to use?
    Is time-out for kids still a good thing to use? 'Time-out' is regularly used by parents and teachers throughout the world. But is it really constructive? Does it really develop your children's values of responsibility, or does it just increase thoughts of revenge and unfairness?
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  • I tell my son there are NO monsters under the bed – but he doesn’t believe me
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  • Robin Booth on WE CHOOSE RESPECT PARENTCAST
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  • 3 clever parenting skills that will help you survive the holiday season
    3 clever parenting skills that will help you survive the holiday season Children on holiday, extended family cramped into your house, patience decreasing and tensions mounting? The holiday season has its risks: The statistics show increased divorce and suicide rates! Now this may not be due to parenting challenges but there is no doubt that this period of time has its parenting downs as well as highs. So here are my top 3 skills for managing the lows, and building up the highs, so you can move…
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  • How to support your child persevere when they want to give up
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  • Mom, he is not letting me have a turn on the ipad!
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  • You can't use my ipad ever again!
    You can't use my ipad ever again! Here's a story about a mother who was worried about her 11 year old son playing too many games on her ipad. So should she forbid him to ever play it again, or maybe try this idea I shared with her...
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  • Your choice of words may be harming your child
    Your choice of words may be harming your child Avoid these words below as they hamper your child's language development.Of course you want the best for your child! And I know you don't want to see a look like this picture above on your child's face. But your choice of words may be doing more harm than good. So I am going to share with you how you can change that with the following simple skil.
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  • What a child says after me getting her to be more respectful: Problem Solving
    What a child says after me getting her to be more respectful: Problem Solving You want your child to be more polite and respectful. But how do you get that? And how do you get her to feel inspired to take on that challenge? Robin shows you the results of a problem solving session where she rated herself at a 4 out of 10 in being respectful at the beginning of the session, and ended off with a big smile and inspired by the possibilty of being 10 out…
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  • Star charts: The Observation Model in detail
    Star charts: The Observation Model in detail This is the most powerful model of the star chart concept that I know. Its the simplest and most powerful of all the models as it requires the least skill, the least time and effort, and is the simplest to understand for both you and your child.  
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  • The Top 5 things Robin Booth learnt about Parenting and Cooperation with Randi Zuckerberg
    The Top 5 things Robin Booth learnt about Parenting and Cooperation with Randi Zuckerberg Randi Zuckerberg and her brother Mark started Facebook together. In many ways she has been accredited with the phenomenal growth of Facebook due to her marketing skills. And she is a parent. I met her last year (2013) in the USA, and have listed below the Top 5 things I learnt from her during that  conversation on parenting, children and what motivates people.  Read on...
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  • Amanda has other parents watching her as she deals with her fighting and upset children
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  • Taflyn takes her injured and screaming child to the hospital, and is scared herself
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  • Star charts: The Perseverance Model
    Star charts: The Perseverance  Model Just one model of a star chart is not enough. Your child may be excited to start, but if they don't experience some form of success continously, they may lose interest and drive. So how do you keep them motivated, even while they may be slipping up and not always succeeding at what they are learning? Learning is a process... so read on to find out how to keep their sprits up and feeling they…
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  • Star charts: Bribery and Manipulation, or a great tool? The Observation Model
    Star charts: Bribery and Manipulation, or a great tool? The Observation Model Are star charts just another form of Bribery? And how can you keep a child motivated over a long period of time? And how do you determine what the prize/ celebration will be? In all my research on Star charts, there is only one basic model, and it really only works in certain situations, and for a short amount of time. That's not good enough for me. So I want to share some of my…
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  • Rene cleverly uses the DISC profile to get a pay increase
    Rene cleverly uses the DISC profile to get a pay increase Rene has asked for a pay-rise on two previous occasions. She was now angry ,frustrated, and impatient. And then she realised that her boss was a high "C" in the disc profile and she was approaching him with her high "D" profile. So she figured out what to do and got her pay rise. Watch the video to see how she did it. length: 05:15
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  • Choices within a boundary - what if they reply... I don't want to...?
    Choices within a boundary - what if they reply... I don't want to...? Have you had that situation where you apply a skill and it doesn't work? So you apply a variation of the skill, and it still doesn't work? Your child replies with, "I don't want to..." Well this happened to Mari and she asked me what she could do... This video was my reply, taking her deeper into the insights of the skill of "Setting the boundary and giving choices within the boundary." length: 13:25
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  • 3 children in my bed - and how I changed it to a morning of flow
    3 children in my bed - and how I changed it to a morning of flow Every few days I get a story from a parent who has had a breakthrough in using their new skills. This one really shows how Intelligent skills can create amazing results and blissful flow. And this is for real. I did not edit her story except just change the names.
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  • Filming teachers using the Praise skills with Children
    Filming teachers using the Praise skills with Children I want to show you the praise skills in live action, on children, at school in a class. And watch their faces as their smiles beam from ear to ear. You can also do this, consciously and intelligently by learning these skills!  length: 5:46
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  • How to avoid the mistakes that parents make when using praise
    How to avoid the mistakes that parents make when using praise Do you also experience praising your children at times and they just don't believe you? Are you making the same mistake as this parent in the way she is praising? Do you know how to avoid the most common mistake when praising your children?  This video clip shares how to avoid making those same mistakes.  length: 3:31
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    Why these parents are getting these incredible results. I have often wondered what it is that gets these parents these results. Cooperation, trust, flow, harmony. I think I know at least one answer. To get these results, this is what you have to understand, and do.
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  • I want the truth. Who started it?
    I want the truth. Who started it? “I walked in to the bathroom where my twin sons were having a bath. There was water on the floor, water on the mirror and my sons’ four year old faces grinning up at me. I asked them who had splashed water on the floor. No one said anything. I told them I wasn’t going to punish them, that I just wanted them to be honest.” I said I wasn't going punish them, but that…
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  • If you ever get stuck, ask yourself these questions
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  • When I was 7 yrs old, my mother made this gift for my children.
    When I was 7 yrs old, my mother made this gift for my children. 33 years after my mother died (when I was 7 she died), I find out she knitted some clothes for MY children (which would be her grandchildren). Out of the blue I have something made from her own hands.
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  • A parent takes Robin's suggestion on how to get their son to sleep in his own bed.
    A parent takes Robin's suggestion on how to get their son to sleep in his own bed. Your child keeps nagging you to sleep in your bed with you? Robin shared how he solved that in his own home, and Amanda decided to try it out. And it worked. See the video clip of her sharing her new found skills.
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  • Is every day of my parenting life going to be like this? Hear Brad's response
    Is every day of my parenting life going to be like this? Hear Brad's response Brad asks this question regarding some of the everyday challenges he faces in being a parent: "Is this going to be my life for the next 20 years?" and everyone laughs because we all seem to have these kinds of days. This video clip is taken from the workshop session on "The introduction to Intelligent parenting". And when parents have finished the session, we ask them what they got from the session and what they…
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  • The top 5 reasons why intelligent parenting will lead to success
    The top 5 reasons why intelligent parenting will lead to success I ask the parents in the workshop, "Why are you here tonight?". This stumps many of them. Some reply back humorously, "I asked my wife the same thing. I thought we were perfect parents." Amidst the grins and chuckles, my reply to them is to share why I WAS THERE that night, what could I offer and what could become possible for each and every parent there.
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