This is the most powerful model of the star chart concept that I know. Its the simplest and most powerful of all the models as it requires the least skill, the least time and effort, and is the simplest to understand for both you and your child.
Randi Zuckerberg and her brother Mark started Facebook together. In many ways she has been accredited with the phenomenal growth of Facebook due to her marketing skills. And she is a parent.
I met her last year (2013) in the USA, and have listed below the Top 5 things I learnt from her during that conversation on parenting, children and what motivates people.
So you have some conflict between your children? Maybe they are fighting over a toy? Maybe you are at a child's party and the other parents are watching you. The pressure is on.
Here is a sharing from Amanda, a parent who has done my workshops.
Read how she worked with the conflict, how she supported the children with their ideas, and how she created the flow again, in spite of a high degree of 'uncertainty'.
She uses the process of Conscious Conflict Resolution and gets a 'high five' result.
A dog bites a 6 year old boy, and blood is gushing out of the wound. He thinks he is going to die and keeps asking his mom that. The mom, Taflyn is traumatised, but is reminding herself to stay focused and support her son while driving to the hospital for stiches. By the time they get to the hospital, he is telling everyone else he is okay, and after the stiches, still goes home and gives that dog a big hug....
What happened here? What magic did Taflyn use? The skills she used she learnt through the workshops....
Just one model of a star chart is not enough.
Your child may be excited to start, but if they don't experience some form of success continously, they may lose interest and drive.
So how do you keep them motivated, even while they may be slipping up and not always succeeding at what they are learning?
Learning is a process... so read on to find out how to keep their sprits up and feeling they are succeeding and getting closer to their goal.
The Perseverance model....
Are star charts just another form of Bribery?
And how can you keep a child motivated over a long period of time?
And how do you determine what the prize/ celebration will be?
In all my research on Star charts, there is only one basic model, and it really only works in certain situations, and for a short amount of time.
That's not good enough for me. So I want to share some of my clever, intelligent and succesfull models.
Rene has asked for a pay-rise on two previous occasions. She was now angry ,frustrated, and impatient. And then she realised that her boss was a high "C" in the disc profile and she was approaching him with her high "D" profile. So she figured out what to do and got her pay rise.
Watch the video to see how she did it.
Have you had that situation where you apply a skill and it doesn't work?
So you apply a variation of the skill, and it still doesn't work? Your child replies with, "I don't want to..."
Well this happened to Mari and she asked me what she could do...
This video was my reply, taking her deeper into the insights of the skill of "Setting the boundary and giving choices within the boundary."
Every few days I get a story from a parent who has had a breakthrough in using their new skills.
This one really shows how Intelligent skills can create amazing results and blissful flow. And this is for real. I did not edit her story except just change the names.
I want to show you the praise skills in live action, on children, at school in a class.
And watch their faces as their smiles beam from ear to ear.
You can also do this, consciously and intelligently by learning these skills!
- Do you also experience praising your children at times and they just don't believe you?
- Are you making the same mistake as this parent in the way she is praising?
- Do you know how to avoid the most common mistake when praising your children?
This video clip shares how to avoid making those same mistakes.
I have often wondered what it is that gets these parents these results. Cooperation, trust, flow, harmony. I think I know at least one answer. To get these results, this is what you have to understand, and do.
“I walked in to the bathroom where my twin sons were having a bath. There was water on the floor, water on the mirror and my sons’ four year old faces grinning up at me. I asked them who had splashed water on the floor. No one said anything. I told them I wasn’t going to punish them, that I just wanted them to be honest.”
I said I wasn't going punish them, but that was because I didn't understand that emotionally I was punishing them far more than a smack or "No TV tonight!"
And this is why...
Here are a list of questions that are guarenteed to get yourself unstuck from any situation you find yourself in. A free e-book which is a quick and easy read.
Your child keeps nagging you to sleep in your bed with you?
Robin shared how he solved that in his own home, and Amanda decided to try it out. And it worked.
See the video clip of her sharing her new found skills.
33 years after my mother died (when I was 7 she died), I find out she knitted some clothes for MY children (which would be her grandchildren). Out of the blue I have something made from her own hands.