Every few days I get a story from a parent who has had a breakthrough in using their new skills.

This one really shows how Intelligent skills can create amazing results and blissful flow. And this is for real. I did not edit her story except just change the names.

Your child keeps nagging you to sleep in your bed with you?

Robin shared how he solved that in his own home, and Amanda decided to try it out. And it worked.

See the video clip of her sharing her new found skills.

• Your child needs to sleep but the siblings keep them awake
• You want to put the baby to sleep but you keep being disturbed.
• While you are with the the one sibling, the other also wants you to spend time with them.

In this video clip taken from the online session on Setting Effective Boundaries, Amanda shares how she decided to take on ensuring her youngster got the sleep that she needed. And it made a HUGE difference to her in time and energy.

Diligence is the third criteria needed for setting effective boundaries.Detail is the first, and Delivery is the second. Without these three criteria all being met, your boundary will not last.

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Please share your insights, your inspirations or comments below:

One of my goals this week was to not to elaborate and give long speeches. That worked really well. Instead of telling them in 10 different ways how and why I do not like them to throw their schoolbags on the ground as soon as they get in the house, I just said ‘guys, schoolbags in the scullery’ and that worked just fine. Day 3 I didn’t even have to say it myself, Linden did it for me ‘Guys, don’t do that, the bags belong in the scullery’.

Other example of using different techniques was when Linden wanted to eat the lollipop he bought last weekend just before dinner. When I said he couldn’t, I gave him a few options of concrete times at which he could. He chose after finishing dinner and desert.

But by the time we had brushed teeth and read a bedtime story we realized we had forgotten all about it. Linden was really upset when I told him he couldn’t eat his lollipop and even started rolling on the ground. I successfully tried different things.

He couldn’t hide his smile and was upset when I ate the fantasy lollipop with strawberry taste that I caught midair. But that was just a short term solution. He did like to get some options presented again, either straight after school or after breakfast (just for once because we had forgotten after dinner). He settled on breakfast and just to be sure I wrote a note with a drawing of the lollipop and put that next to his breakfast plate. He really liked seeing that first thing in the morning.

It was after bath time, Sussie was TIRED (really grouchy, prone to tearfulness and general meltdown). We both walked into her room to start the cream and pyjama routine and I saw all her toys on the floor from earlier.

I had purposefully left them there for her to clean up when we came home. It would have been so easy for me to pick them up quickly after she was in bed. Instead I asked her, "Please Sussie put your toys away quickly.'

No response from Sussie, she was ignoring me. I was about to ask again, when, despite my own tiredness and eagerness to get her to bed, I remembered my new skill. "We're tired Sussie, Sussie, this is your toys talking. Can we go to bed too?" She turned around IMMEDIATELY and began packing them in their box.

I continued, "We love to cuddle with each other, warm and safe in the cupboard at night, thanks Sussie." I swear that within a minute they were all in the box, ready for bed. The rest of our routine went like a dream.

Tonight, Brian (my youngest of two and a half years old) was postponing bed for about 15 mins with all kinds of futile ideas.

I said, “Come lets go to bed Brian!”
“NO! I don't want to go to bed.” He was clearly upset, his foot stomping down and looking at me very determined.
I tried a different tactic by showing him I wanted to understand. I said "So it sounds like you don't want to go to bed now?"
“No!”

I said to him that I would love to take him to bed now and I would like to know what I could do to take him to bed without him crying?

Surprisingly, he just said, “Ok we can go now”. I could not believe this. It is as though my just showing him that I had wanted to understand was the puzzle that unlocked him. YES!

Today was a very powerful session (and quite emotional too) and my husband and I were reflecting tonight how much we’re enjoying the course. Then – the challenge presented itself.

Background - Jack asked for a “duvet day” yesterday (he’s allowed one a term) and he was up and down to the loo several times that morning (a clear sign that he’s feeling anxious) so that’s what we did. This morning was all fine until we got a message from Tessa that Jack was not feeling well, so we ended up taking him home at eleven.

He said he was feeling sick but was fine at home, playing and teasing his brother etc. Then bedtime…., he said he was feeling sick and again up and down to the loo. Each time one of us wanted to leave his side he became quite panicky and said he wanted to come downstairs with us, he was feeling sick.

After an hour and a half I was doing the usual asking if there was anything he was worried about and “Jack, I believe you’re feeling sick, but you’re NOT sick, I’m just downstairs and I’ve got to go and cook supper for dad and I”.

Panicked, teary child downstairs two minutes later and “I wish I could go to sleep, but I can’t”. So up I went again and was just lying with him, quietly but silently frustrated as he made another trip to the loo and then asked for yet another minute when I said I had to go. And then I thought about our session this morning, about being present with our children, praising them and acknowledging the people in our lives.

I said something along the lines of that I was really proud of him the way he had dealt with the move to his new school, that he had made friends and his teacher thought he was really special, and he was happy to go to school again and enjoying learning and that his new school looked like it was really working for him.

I went on to say that his body was telling me that something wasn’t working for him right now and it could be at home, school or about life but in the same way that I was trying hard to tell him and his brother when the situation wasn’t working for me (rather than just lose my temper and shout -and scare them), I needed him to tell me what wasn’t working for him so we could look at how we could make it work for him – in the Synergy way!

I asked if he wanted to share anything and he said no, so I told him I didn’t need to know right now but when he felt he had something to share, I was ready to listen. The tension in his little body eased immediately. I left, he came downstairs to cuddle while I was cooking and when I went upstairs five minutes later, he was asleep. On reflection, I guess it was just observing and describing what was going on rather than asking for answers and trying to fix the problem. Powerful Stuff!!