Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /home/www/robinbooth.co.za/libraries/cms/application/cms.php on line 464
Displaying items by tag: sibling rivalry

I had 2 instances this weekend where I used the skills we have been exposed to so far.  The challenge for me was that in both instances parents of the other children were present.  I felt very uncomfortable as I knew what went through their minds whilst they kept quite through the process.  However, I was successful in both instances, phewwww.....
 
Saturday night Cailin and Jessie-Lee both wanted Cailin's little purse full of money. Jessie-Lee had it at first but was soon snatched from her by Cailin.  Jessie-Lee started crying so I told Cailin that I will keep the purse on the table as we have a challenge in that both children wanted the same thing. Cailin started shouting at Jessie-Lee with the usual: " I don't like you! I am not your best friend!"

By then we had both children crying.  I asked Jessie-Lee what she would like from Cailin so that this does not happen again.  She kept quite and did not want to respond. The same happened when I asked Cailin. I then told them that we will chat about it later and we will try and resolve it when they are both ready.

Cailin then smiled and said: "Let's jump on the trampoline". I knew my response would be that she can't so I tried putting it into questions. By then Jessie-Lee was also very excited to go outside. I asked the girls how we could jump when it is dark outside - Cailin was very quick and said: "Let's take the torch"..... I was outsmarted.

So I asked them how we could jump when it is freezing cold outside - Cailin answered: "Let's put our jerseys on"...... outsmarted AGAIN.....  I then asked how we could jump if children have snotty noses - Cailin again answered: "Let's get the tissues" and off she went to get the toilet paper.  
 
Jessie-Lee and Cailin blew their noses time after time until their noses were stone dry. Cailin then saw the purse on the table and said to Jessie-Lee whilst taking it: "Come Jessie-Lee let's share the money and let's play". Jessie-Lee very happily joined her on the floor. 

I then knew that this was the time to conclude the conflict resolution. I asked Cailin what she would like from Jessie-Lee in future so what happened earlier can be avoided and she answered: "I want Jessie-Lee to share the purse". I asked Cailin to tell that to Jessie-Lee which she did and she added spontaneously: "Sorry for shouting at you". I asked Jessie-Lee the same and she said that they must share. They left the table and played like old friends again.

Published in Conflict

Niki and her friend Ammie were making a cake, but both wanted to be first at pouring the milk in the bowl.
Niki: you're always first
Ammie: no you're always first, I want to be first
Mom, using the skills of describing the problem. Hey guys, I see two children who both want to pour milk in and there is only one bowl. How can we find a way to make this work?
Ammie: I've got a brilliant idea! At my house you can be first and at you're house, I can be first, ok?
Niki: Ok.

Even though it’s not quite the answer that I would have wanted, it was still creative and seemed to work for them. No fighting.

Published in P-solving

I found last weeks lessons very tough and emotional. I feel part of nurturing your children’s self esteem is evaluating your own childhood. I have been guilty of the same things as my parents by rote praising. I don't think they have been believing the praise.

Like mother like sons. I have really concentrated on acknowledging and describing my kids little daily achievements. the results have been heart warming. I had my first opportunity on Wednesday morning.

While I was trying to get ready for the day Jack and Theodore were playing nearby and having a really wonderful time. Jack was being really gentle and caring with Theodore and sharing his little treasures, (not the usual behaviour) I said to Jack that he was a really wonderful brother. I saw how well he was sharing his things and being gentle with his little brother.

He looked at me and said "I know mommy" so I told him I just wanted him to know that I had noticed how sweet he was being. His little face lit up and he just said thanks and carried on. He has definitely been playing in a gentler way with Theodore since then. There have been numerous little successes like this but this is the one that stands out.

Published in Praise

This week has been a particularly stressful week, compared to last week which went rather smoothly. At some point this week I felt despondent, disempowered and some what disappointed. I was questioning myself, the course etc.

It was as if Ethan went to bed as 'Ethan the good' and woke up the next morning as 'Ethan the Horrible'.... He has this sense of entitlement and control, things must only be done on his terms. He is a rather challenging child on an average day so as you can imagine things have been rather tense.

This is from an eight year old and I dread to think of how a fifteen year old would be like. Joshua on the other hand is making up for lost time and has felt the need to irritate his brother, he seems to be getting a smug kick out of it. He has his own sense of entitlement.

This morning I was pondering the whole situation and broke the last month down into parts and realized that it all part of the process. This is how it is meant to be for us and I can now see the bigger picture and do not have unrealistic expectations.

We have shifted as a family and are all going through major shifts and adjustments of our own. I look at Brad and how he has had to shift in such a dramatic way in such a short period of time to keep up with Ethan and Joshua. I have had to be on my toes and try to be one step ahead of the whole family to keep everyone grounded with the progression of change.

I now can look back and think that in fact we have come pretty far and we have not too badly at all. Yes things are not perfect but they will never and we are learning “ to make lemonade when handed lemons” with the tools we have.

Published in Cooperation

On Sunday morning we were watching an old DVD of the girls’ school play which is based on the music from Mama Mia.

Margaret - Dad I really want to be a queen bee like Jane in the school play. (she said this with a very whiny tone)
Dad,- so you really would like to be the queen bee?
Margaret- Yes and I want the special wings and crown. I am only a ballet bee. It's not fair.
Dad – Hmm, I see. (I was feeling I a bit nervous here, not sure what was going to happen. Was my acknowledgement of her emotions encouraging her to get upset?)
Margaret- She has a beautiful dress. Can you get me one? I WANT the crown the wings and dress. Get me every thing!
Dad- So you really want to be a queen bee. Hmm. I am sure there will be another opportunity for you to be the queen bee in the next play, and when it comes along, let’s make sure you can put on all the wings and the clothes of the queen bee.
Margaret- Yes, please can we watch Mama Mia again now?

I was surprised by this as I thought  she was going to keep persisting that I get everything now. But it didn’t seem that was needed.

Published in Emotions
%AM, %22 %319 %2012 %08:%Feb

How my new skill saved a big blow up

We went to family dinner. Family had arrived from London bearing gifts. Charmaine bought presents for the boys, but only having an 8 month old herself, she did not know what to buy the cousins here.

She bought the older 2 cousins (Luca and Devon – age 6.5 years old) these battle watches with all these functions and they were a great hit. So much so that Neil (age nearly 4) was devastated he didn’t get one. His robot t-shirt paled in comparison.

He was beside himself, going on and on about the watch and crying and really making me feel very embarrassed. I apologized to Charmaine who was apologizing profusely for creating the situation in the first place. I consciously decided I needed to do something different – dissolve/dilute the situation.

I asked my dad for a pen, sheet of paper and cello-tape. I called Neil and said I was going to draw him a watch that looked just like the ones Luca and Devon had. I called Luca with his watch and I copied the watch as best I could. Neil was intrigued and watched with glee.

I got the cello-tape and I taped the watch to his wrist and told him that his watch could do everything that Luca and Devon’s could. I added the final touch by saying, “and please, Neil, use this watch carefully and do not blow us all up!”

He was so happy, he ran off to play with the other kids using his watch just as they were. I was so chuffed it worked, I glowed with satisfaction at my newly used skill.

Published in Emotions
%AM, %27 %958 %2012 %00:%Mar

It's mine! No! It's mine!

Johanna (aged 5) and Emily (aged 8) began arguing about a teddy bear that each child was convinced was theirs. My support and belief in their individual stories was exuberantly campaigned.  I listened for a while and thought about how I was going to support the girls in resolving this conflict on their own.

Ruth:  ‘’It seems that both of you think that the teddy bear is yours. I have never seen that teddy bear before so I think that it would be best if you two find a solution to this problem.  I know that you can sort things out.’’

I then left their space and continued with what I was doing. After about 10 minutes I heard laughter and went back to the girls.

Ruth: ‘’I can see that you have both sorted out your problem.
Johanna & Emily (smiling): ‘’Yes and we didn’t need you.’’
Ruth: ‘’Great, well done.’’

Published in P-solving
Page 2 of 2