Praise (14)
These are skills and stories from the online session on DESCRIPTIVE PRAISE. Avoid the most common mistakes parents make when they praise their children, and then boost your child's self esteem and confidence by using intelligent skills.Click here to see more about this session.
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The secret praise skill pyschologists use so they're always honest and authentic.
Written by Robin Booth
This lesson comes from my latest online course and covers my favourite skill and the one I use each and every day without any risk of over doing it. Describe what you see or hear without judging it as good or bad. Share what your favourite part is. In any situation you will always have one 'part' that you prefer to another. Therefore by using this skill you will never be lying, or be inauthentic. And you don't even have to know what you are praising. Describing your favourite part is the skill most used by parents as there is no risk of overpraising or 'fake' praising.
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Filming teachers using the Praise skills with Children
Written by Robin Booth
I want to show you the praise skills in live action, on children, at school in a class. And watch their faces as their smiles beam from ear to ear. You can also do this, consciously and intelligently by learning these skills! length: 5:46
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How to avoid the mistakes that parents make when using praise
Written by Robin Booth
Do you also experience praising your children at times and they just don't believe you? Are you making the same mistake as this parent in the way she is praising? Do you know how to avoid the most common mistake when praising your children? This video clip shares how to avoid making those same mistakes. length: 3:31
Although I'm not getting everything right all the time I've definitely felt an increasing shift in my handling of situations at home and an increase in flow in the house. It's amazing how having the awareness just allows for a gap, a pause before one reacts in a negative way and there have been many times when I've used acknowledgement, description, single words, expression of my feeling and it's really eased the situation. Above all it's helped me feel like I have resources and that's really empowering! This week I was focusing on summatvie praise. After your suggestion of conveying the things we value about our children I had an opportunity to combine all of these. One night the girls didn't want to bath and it was getting late. I knew the longer I left it the more tired they'd be and the harder to get them into the…
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With this skill she cleaned her room and has kept it like that
Written by Kim
Struggling to get your chlid's room tidy, and then kept that way? Want to know how to inspire them to step up to doing their chores and helping out in the house? Do you know how to make them do things they may not like doing? In this video clip taken from the online session on Descriptive Praise, Kim shares her story on how she did it. Summative praise is the most powerful skill to boost self esteem and change behaviour in one single statement.
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I praise her and this is how she is giving it back to me
Written by Ruth
With Johanna enjoying her evening bath she requested I sit with her and have a conversation about the day. We shared our individual highlights and I then decided to consciously acknowledge her for the ease with which she is saying good-bye to me in the mornings before school. Ruth: ‘’I think that it is really great that you are saying good-bye to me before school so easily and happily AND that you are finding your own place on the mat without teacher support’’. Johanna (big smile): ‘’I know, thanks.’’ Our conversation then continued for a while before I communicated that it was time to get out the bath. Ruth: ‘’I have put your pyjamas on the heater and they will be warm now. Would you like to get dressed next to the heater or next to the fire?" Johanna: ‘’Great job mom’’. Ruth (puzzled expression) Johanna: ‘’Great job mom for…
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The trap of using praise as a form of manipulation
Written by Robin Booth
Positive recognition and descriptive praise: We know that it is important, but we aren't taught the HOW to do it. And do you fall into the trap of using it to get what you want? Length: 2:17 minutes
This interview is part of longer one on SAFM radio. The longer one can be heard here
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I have had to practice this more on Johanna than Emily as my child has gone back to her Mum. I do not have a specific list of examples I wish to relate as I have found that acknowledgement and praise presents itself more often than I thought. Often for many little actions. I have had to practice very hard at using more effective words in the act of recognition. I have been teaching Johanna to put her hand up when she coughs. When she started observing this request I told her what a polite little girl she was. So I think in terms of my growth, my style is changing and I am beginning to break some daft ways. Oh another one! Emily is very skilled at making tiny little models out of crazy clay. When I acknowledge what she shows me I am now using “how dexterous you…
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This is what we did differently to get a stress free holiday
Written by Ru-anne
My husband and I put many of the tools you have given us to practise in the holidays and it made an enormous difference to our family interactions. The result was a harmonious and relatively stress free holiday for all of us. I can't even begin to tell you how our family dynamics have changed since participating in your course - we are profoundly grateful to you for empowering us as more effective parents with your wealth of knowledge which you are able to convey with such warmth and humour.
Last week Charlie turned our gas fire on upstairs, as he normally does when it gets cold. Later on we moved downstairs to put him into bed. As I connected with him before he went to sleep, I suddenly remembered the fire and felt anxious that I had left it on. I said goodnight without saying anything and then came upstairs and saw that it had been turned off. Charlie had turned it off. The next morning when I sat with him I said: ”Charlie, last night I noticed that you turned the fire off without being asked. I felt anxious when I remembered that I hadn’t switched it off and then I saw that you had done it. That’s what I call being responsible. You are a very responsible boy and that is a great quality.” Charlie beamed. And it’s as if he is turning more and more to…
I found last weeks lessons very tough and emotional. I feel part of nurturing your children’s self esteem is evaluating your own childhood. I have been guilty of the same things as my parents by rote praising. I don't think they have been believing the praise. Like mother like sons. I have really concentrated on acknowledging and describing my kids little daily achievements. the results have been heart warming. I had my first opportunity on Wednesday morning. While I was trying to get ready for the day Jack and Theodore were playing nearby and having a really wonderful time. Jack was being really gentle and caring with Theodore and sharing his little treasures, (not the usual behaviour) I said to Jack that he was a really wonderful brother. I saw how well he was sharing his things and being gentle with his little brother. He looked at me and said…
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A note like this may change your relationship to your child
Written by Robin Booth
Philip, my younger child, started seeing a girlfriend during the holidays. They went to the movies a couple of times as well as to lunch. I was a little concerned that my older son, Matthew, would tease Philip about Tara and try to embarrass him. Much to my surprise he didn't. I mentioned this at the workshop and Robin asked me whether I'd let Matthew know that I had noticed his behaviour. I decided to write him a note, praising him, which I did. I've just gone and got the note out of his box where he keeps special things - he still has it 3-4 months later. Dear Matthew. Since Tuesday - Philip and Tara’s date - I've been thinking a lot about how well you handled this 'new situation'. I wanted to tell you that I noticed how you gave Phil the opportunity to be with Tara without…
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My praise has changed her behaviour and is now more cooperative
Written by Deidre
I have been really making a conscious effort to acknowledge my girls this week. One day when I needed to take Lucy to an appointment straight after school I asked Belinda if she would stay home with Zuki, our Domestic. Belinda doesn’t really like being left behind and usually kicks up a bit of a fuss but she agreed in the end. I fully expected her to fall asleep but when we got back she was wide awake and had been playing happily for a couple of hours on her own. I especially thanked her for playing so nicely while we were out and told her that I thought that was really patient of her. She said: ‘Okay, mom’, but it seemed like she was quite chuffed. What has been interesting is that in the days since then if I have to quickly pop out she has been a lot…
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How my acknowledgement of his situation saved the sibling rivalry
Written by Julie
My two boys were playing tennis for the first time and the youngest was being a really bad loser. As I was watching, I saw my eldest son relax and allow Phil to win. Afterwards when Phil had beaten Matthew, he started to show off and I could see Matthew starting to feel angry and wanting to retaliate. I walked over to Matthew said quietly, “I saw what happened on the court - it takes a big person to do what you did to keep the peace”. He immediately smiled and was his old self again and the moment passed.
