Your child keeps nagging you to sleep in your bed with you?
Robin shared how he solved that in his own home, and Amanda decided to try it out. And it worked.
See the video clip of her sharing her new found skills.
- Your child needs to sleep but the siblings keep them awake
- You want to put the baby to sleep but you keep being disturbed.
- While you are with the the one sibling, the other also wants you to spend time with them.
In this video clip taken from the online session on Setting Effective Boundaries, Amanda shares how she decided to take on ensuring her youngster got the sleep that she needed. And it made a HUGE difference to her in time and energy.
Diligence is the third criteria needed for setting effective boundaries.Detail is the first, and Delivery is the second. Without these three criteria all being met, your boundary will not last.
Please share your insights, your inspirations or comments below:
- Struggling to get your chlid's room tidy, and then kept that way?
- Want to know how to inspire them to step up to doing their chores and helping out in the house?
- Do you know how to make them do things they may not like doing?
In this video clip taken from the online session on Descriptive Praise, Kim shares her story on how she did it.
Summative praise is the most powerful skill to boost self esteem and change behaviour in one single statement.
Have you said this before in an attempt to gert your children to eat or pack away?
- "Do you know how many children there are in the world who do not have food?"
- "How would you like it if I gave all your toys away to the children who don't have any toys? maybe that would teach you to look after them."
Length: 1 minute
This interview is part of longer one on SAFM radio. The longer one can be heard here
This interview was done just before a Nurturing of Self Esteem workshop was to be held in Johannesburg. It covers a wide range of parenting topics.
length: 17:30 minutes
The chores of a township child are very different to those of a rich suburb child. But are the skills used to get both these children to cooperate the same?
A short clip on this: 1 minute
Our before work and school morning routine was not really working for me in that my focus was constantly around getting Jane ready for school at her pace and then having to rush to get myself dressed and looking respectable in the remaining few minutes that were granted to me so that we left on time.
I decided that I would address the issue by first acknowledging Jane’s feelings around not wanting to get dressed as soon as she wakes up and not wanting to eat breakfast until I was dressed and then establishing some sort of a contract with her as a solution to the morning ‘’flow’’ issue.
I acknowledged that I understood that she does not like being rushed out of bed on a cold winter’s morning to immediately get dressed and I acknowledged that she does not like to sit and eat breakfast alone while I play catch up on sorting myself out.
She then suggested that she watch BBC while I get dressed and ready for work. Initially I thought ‘’not a good idea, T.V. will just create distraction and delays and I do not particularly want the T.V. on in the morning’’ but after some thought I suggested the following:
First, I would wake her up before I make coffee so that she can lie in bed for 15 minutes before having to get dressed, then I would help her get dressed while having coffee and a conversation with her about the day and then finally once she was fully dressed with brushed hair and washed face we would make her breakfast and she could eat while watching 20 mins of BBC and I could get dressed and ready in a less manic state!
I communicated to her that the T.V. idea would only work if after 20 minutes when I asked her to come and brush her teeth she would do so willingly and she replied by saying that she could do it so long as I gave her a 5 minute warning before teeth time.
We have now tried the above routine for the last 4 mornings and every morning has been a success, we are actually arriving at school earlier than before and I am feeling in one piece when I walk out the door!
Although I'm not getting everything right all the time I've definitely felt an increasing shift in my handling of situations at home and an increase in flow in the house. It's amazing how having the awareness just allows for a gap, a pause before one reacts in a negative way and there have been many times when I've used acknowledgement, description, single words, expression of my feeling and it's really eased the situation. Above all it's helped me feel like I have resources and that's really empowering!
This week I was focusing on summatvie praise. After your suggestion of conveying the things we value about our children I had an opportunity to combine all of these.
One night the girls didn't want to bath and it was getting late. I knew the longer I left it the more tired they'd be and the harder to get them into the bath. At this point I gave into the old reward system. I put two small piles of jelly tots on either side of the far side of the bath (so they'd have to get in to get them). Then I asked them if they'd like to go on a treasure hunt in the bathroom.
The fantasy part of this immediately had them excited and they rushed off to see what was there and got in the bath without a problem. Now I still had to get them out because it was really late and they had school the next day. I was thinking of how important it was to tell them all the things I value about them and decided I'd write them both a letter.
I told them if they washed and got out quickly they could come and get some more treasure from me. They proceeded to try guess what it was, more sweets, a book, a toy etc. I said no to all but insisted it was still treasure. While they were washing I wrote them each a letter that went something like this.
'Dear Janet, Hi! This is Mommy. I Love you! You are such a wonderful, energetic, intelligent, happy, beautiful, funny, kind, compassionate, healthy, strong, graceful, creative and very special person. Love you so much always. Mom. PS. You have changed my life for the better and I've been so happy to have you in it. I've learnt so much from you, like how to laugh, be kind, have fun and not worry about the small things. Thank-you.
Mary’s one differed only with various qualities unique to her. When I gave them these they were excited to get a letter (in an envelope and marked special delivery) but disappointed it wasn't some the kind of 'treasure' they imagined.
I said "Ah, but this IS treasure, the best kind, because you will have this all your life to remember when things aren't so go good'. Then I read them each their letter. Janet wanted to know why they were similar but not exactly the same and I said because you are both unique, different but there are many wonderful things you share.
She was happy with that and then wanted to go and stick it above her wall which is where she's put all the certificates she's earned at school. Mary did the same and we went to bed feeling happy. Maybe it was all a bit much all in one go but I hope we'll be able to revisit that letter when things aren't feeling so good, as a reminder of all the things I love about them.
Thanks again for all the tools! You cannot imagine what a difference it makes to our lives.
With Johanna enjoying her evening bath she requested I sit with her and have a conversation about the day. We shared our individual highlights and I then decided to consciously acknowledge her for the ease with which she is saying good-bye to me in the mornings before school.
Ruth: ‘’I think that it is really great that you are saying good-bye to me before school so easily and happily AND that you are finding your own place on the mat without teacher support’’.
Johanna (big smile): ‘’I know, thanks.’’
Our conversation then continued for a while before I communicated that it was time to get out the bath.
Ruth: ‘’I have put your pyjamas on the heater and they will be warm now. Would you like to get dressed next to the heater or next to the fire?"
Johanna: ‘’Great job mom’’.
Ruth (puzzled expression)
Johanna: ‘’Great job mom for putting my pyjamas on the heater.Rreally mom, I mean it and I want to get dressed next to the heater please’’.
Now it was my turn for a big smile!
My husband and I put many of the tools you have given us to practise in the holidays and it made an enormous difference to our family interactions. The result was a harmonious and relatively stress free holiday for all of us.
I can't even begin to tell you how our family dynamics have changed since participating in your course - we are profoundly grateful to you for empowering us as more effective parents with your wealth of knowledge which you are able to convey with such warmth and humour.