I said to Emily “this room is a mess” “toys and things everywhere”. She looked around her and agreed readily. I gently asked her what she thinks can be done about it. She suggested tidying up the toys and crafts cupboard first. I asked her, as we were going to school and work when she thought she would get it done by. She said by the next afternoon. This was done beautifully without a reminder. I was very proud of her and congratulated her on the fine effort. I did not get the whole room tidied but, also learnt that perhaps it is better to tackle a BIG mess in small parts.

This week has been particularly encouraging for me. It's almost as if a shift has taken place in my cognitive process. I have managed consistently the whole week to apply some of the skills I have learnt regarding engaging co-operation with my children. The most significant change has been that I have shifted my language. By exploring alternatives, be it, through using description, fantasy or shifting accusation from them by using more general words like  'we' instead of  'you' has been quite a break-through for me. It has helped me to remain much calmer in most situations and brought about a greater flow of communication in our home. For example, the one day when I got home with Maria, both Maria and Samuel proceeded to have one melt-down after the other and were constantly at each other's throats. The entire afternoon and evening were extremely taxing for me. But by…

Charmaine and I were on our way to fetch Yvette from school.  We arrived and were about to get out of the car when I noticed that she had taken her shoes and socks off en route.  I started with: “Come on Charmaine, let’s put your shoes on before we get out of the car and was met with the usual: “No, don’t need my shoes on!” I started to try and explain that it was cold and wet outside and her feet needed to stay warm and dry but wasn’t getting anywhere.  So instead I said, ‘I know, why don’t we let your feet have a competition? Let’s see which foot can get its shoe on the fastest.  You help your feet get the shoes on and I’ll count and see which one wins.”  Charmaine’s face lit up and there was a mad scramble to get her shoes on. …

This week has been a particularly stressful week, compared to last week which went rather smoothly. At some point this week I felt despondent, disempowered and some what disappointed. I was questioning myself, the course etc. It was as if Ethan went to bed as 'Ethan the good' and woke up the next morning as 'Ethan the Horrible'.... He has this sense of entitlement and control, things must only be done on his terms. He is a rather challenging child on an average day so as you can imagine things have been rather tense. This is from an eight year old and I dread to think of how a fifteen year old would be like. Joshua on the other hand is making up for lost time and has felt the need to irritate his brother, he seems to be getting a smug kick out of it. He has his own…

Jane was standing outside her bedroom door not wanting to come in to go to bed.  I was waiting patiently on the inside after having tried sharing information, giving choices and describing how I feel which made me decide to try some humour and imagination. I pretended to be an airline hostess and Jane’s bedroom was the aeroplane.  We were about to close the doors and fly to Thailand so I needed her to come aboard. At first she just smiled, looked at me and said:  “No thanks. I don’t want to come aboard”. But I know she loves flying long distance and really wants to go back to Thailand, so I pretended to talk to some people on the plane about what food to expect on the plane and the movie choices. Within a minute Jane came in willingly and we climbed into bed and continued our role playing of passenger and hostess…

It was after bath time, Sussie was TIRED (really grouchy, prone to tearfulness and general meltdown). We both walked into her room to start the cream and pyjama routine and I saw all her toys on the floor from earlier. I had purposefully left them there for her to clean up when we came home. It would have been so easy for me to pick them up quickly after she was in bed. Instead I asked her, "Please Sussie put your toys away quickly.' No response from Sussie, she was ignoring me. I was about to ask again, when, despite my own tiredness and eagerness to get her to bed, I remembered my new skill. "We're tired Sussie, Sussie, this is your toys talking. Can we go to bed too?" She turned around IMMEDIATELY and began packing them in their box. I continued, "We love to cuddle with each other,…

The chores of a township child are very different to those of a rich suburb child. But are the skills used to get both these children to cooperate the same? A short clip on this: 1 minute

Although not usually bothered by where my son leaves his shoes, I decided I had to try out what I had learnt in session 2 inviting cooperation. My son (Angus) had been unusually compliant and I was running out of time to test the theory out before our next session. I first told Angus "Sweetie, your shoes are on the floor." and was told "I know Mum, I put them there." I then gave him the information "But don't shoes live in cupboards or on feet?" Angus replied " Yes, but not when I take them off to watch tv - then they belong on the floor in a mess."  I then came out with "Angus, SHOES!" To which he replied " Mum, SHOES WHAT?" So, I made a wrinkled up nose face and put on a strange accent and said, "I am the monster that smells cheesy, stinky shoes…