Emotions (32)
These are skills and stories from the online session on ACKNOWLEDGING EMOTIONS. If you wish to make sure you still have an excellent relationship when your child is a teenager, then this skills is essentail. Click here to see more about this session.
This afternoon, my daughter's play date friend, Mary (5 year old), did not want to go home. She badly wanted to go with us to a friend’s house, Belinda, for a swim. She started crying and closing herself down. Her mom started explaining to her that they needed to go home because they also had a special visitor at their house. Although the mom was squatting down and was at eye-level to her child, (she is a very tall woman), it did not make her daughter stop crying at all. So I said: " It sounds like you really want to go to Belinda's house, don't you?" "Yes!" she replied. "And it seems that you are sad that you are not going." "Yes", she replied again. The crying had reduced considerably and she was looking at me now. I said, "Well I've got an idea. Let's organize a visit to…
David was very upset in the morning before school as it was raining and it was his class’s turn to go on the scooters and go-carts, and the rain meant there would be no outside play and thus they would not get a turn on the scooters that week. I said that I wished that I had a huge magic wand that I could wave and that all the clouds would disappear and the sun would come out so that he would definitely have a chance on the scooters. His face lit up, and he said, “What happened if by mistake, instead of making the clouds disappear, you turned yourself into a frog – then how would you hold the wand”. We were laughing and giggling and chatting away discussing the magic wand etc and within a couple of minutes the scooters were long forgotten.
%AM, %12 %958 %2012 %00:%Mar
If you can't go to the sea, bring it to the swimming pool.
Written by Chad
Fenn has been really unhappy this week and I tired the skills of listening and fantasy. I am so surprised about how well this works. Fenn was crying because of staying at home around the swimming pool instead of going to the beach and sea. I first conveyed to him my understanding that he thought that the sea was nicer than being in the swimming pool water (in other words making him feel understood
Today was a very powerful session (and quite emotional too) and my husband and I were reflecting tonight how much we’re enjoying the course. Then – the challenge presented itself. Background - Jack asked for a “duvet day” yesterday (he’s allowed one a term) and he was up and down to the loo several times that morning (a clear sign that he’s feeling anxious) so that’s what we did. This morning was all fine until we got a message from Tessa that Jack was not feeling well, so we ended up taking him home at eleven. He said he was feeling sick but was fine at home, playing and teasing his brother etc. Then bedtime…., he said he was feeling sick and again up and down to the loo. Each time one of us wanted to leave his side he became quite panicky and said he wanted to come downstairs…
I woke up after having a bad night sleep and had a grumpy 7 year old on my hands at the same time. My son hates his school shoes and socks as the socks slip down and go to his toes. He says this happens all the time and he makes sure he tells me about it all the time. This particular morning it was his socks, a sore on his arm and his school top was now upsetting him more. But this time I used the skills we learnt and really listened. I looked at his arm, acknowledged his feelings and asked what we could do to make it feel better. He came up with a plaster idea and we made our way to the kitchen and sorted it out. The morning was calm after that and what I have noticed is that when I take the time to acknowledge his…
%PM, %03 %534 %2012 %13:%Mar
How my magic beans of love and luck changed by daughter.
Written by Tanya
On Saturday Bonnie was very upset with one of her friends, she went into her room and was screaming and tearing up a magazine, I went into her room and was listening to what she was saying. “I have no luck and my life is hard and nothing ever goes right for me”. In the past I have dismissed her or told her that she was being silly but I decided to try something different and asked her to close her eyes. I then made all kinds of weird noises and told her to open her hands. I placed 2 magical bags in her hands, the one had luck in it and he other one had love. I then pretended that I was sprinkling magic dust of love and luck on her from the bags, then made a big deal about tying the bags up and told her to keep…
On Sunday morning we were watching an old DVD of the girls’ school play which is based on the music from Mama Mia. Margaret - Dad I really want to be a queen bee like Jane in the school play. (she said this with a very whiny tone) Dad,- so you really would like to be the queen bee? Margaret- Yes and I want the special wings and crown. I am only a ballet bee. It's not fair. Dad – Hmm, I see. (I was feeling I a bit nervous here, not sure what was going to happen. Was my acknowledgement of her emotions encouraging her to get upset?) Margaret- She has a beautiful dress. Can you get me one? I WANT the crown the wings and dress. Get me every thing! Dad- So you really want to be a queen bee. Hmm. I am sure there will be another…
%AM, %28 %335 %2012 %09:%Feb
His friends calling him names - first the feelings, then the advice
Written by John
My example for this week happened when I went to fetch my 9 year old son Sebastian from a birthday party at which all the boys had been swimming. I could see that he was really angry/upset about something, so I asked him what had happened. He said that one of his good friends had been calling him names over and over, but he didn't go into detail. He and the other boy really are the best of friends, so previously I would probably have just dismissed it as harmless fun. This time though, I tried the listening skills we spoke about on Wednesday - I said that it must have been really hurtful for him to be called names, especially by a good friend. Sebastian agreed and started to tell me more - they had been swimming and he had been wearing goggles, when his friend started calling him…
After week one of the course, Lana was eating breakfast and started complaining that her breakfast was not sweet enough, not enough sugar in, this is a constant argument between us. One I normally respond to her with denial that it is sweet enough and I have put more than enough in and the battle persists for awhile. This particular time she started complaining, I went to sit with her and said is it really not sweet enough? No dad, it’s just that all the sugar is on the bottom, I asked her if I could stir it for her, her reply was, yes please. Which I did and to my amazement was now fine and sweet enough. After the week 2 of the course -We had gone away for the night, I had sorted macaroni cheese for Lana’s supper. After a activity filled day we settled down for supper.…
This morning, we were about to leave for school and running very late. I picked up Brian's bottle from on the couch (he’s two and a half years old). It had a little tiny bit of milk left in it so I poured it out and started washing the bottle. He was super upset and couldn’t think why he was going to be so upset about such a small thing. He cried loud with real tears all the way to the car "I want my lait-lait" "I want my lait-lait"(lait is French for milk). I acknowledged his feelings by saying "So you really want your lait-lait, hey Brian?" "Yes I want my lait-lait" crying and crying, I did not know what else to do, I could not understand why he was so upset. I was trying to find a reason, a logic, he looked so sad. I picked him up…
The watch that Luca had been given came with these red rectangular sheets of paper. Luca had lost his and could not find them. This was around home time and he was tired and he lost the plot. I eventually found one sheet (white and red speckled on one side with plain white on the back). But it got bad and the crying hysterical. I again decided I know I can handle this differently. My father was saying the usual, ‘Come Luca, stop crying like a baby, that is enough now.. blah blah", you know the usual way we handle things. I told my dad that saying things like that would not help right now and said goodbye and we left. In the car, Luca was crying and crying. Instead of doing as my dad did, which we are all guilty of, I asked him instead, ‘What are those papers…
We went to family dinner. Family had arrived from London bearing gifts. Charmaine bought presents for the boys, but only having an 8 month old herself, she did not know what to buy the cousins here. She bought the older 2 cousins (Luca and Devon – age 6.5 years old) these battle watches with all these functions and they were a great hit. So much so that Neil (age nearly 4) was devastated he didn’t get one. His robot t-shirt paled in comparison. He was beside himself, going on and on about the watch and crying and really making me feel very embarrassed. I apologized to Charmaine who was apologizing profusely for creating the situation in the first place. I consciously decided I needed to do something different – dissolve/dilute the situation. I asked my dad for a pen, sheet of paper and cello-tape. I called Neil and said I…
I am writing about an example this week which I succeeded in because I was totally amazed. My husband told my kids that we could all go for a bicycle ride in the road – they spent 5 minutes getting dressed with jackets and shoes etc. Eventually when they stepped out into the road it started bucketing down with rain. My 2 year old son was devastated and really started crying a lot. I started telling him it was raining and he could not go out into rain and ride and get wet. But he was NOT going to stop crying as I could see as he was REALLY disappointed. So I tried the whole fantasy thing! I said to him, Robert, if you did go riding outside now, would you go up the hill or down the hill first (as we live on middle of hill) – he immediately…
%PM, %15 %547 %2012 %14:%Feb
I really listened to why he didn't want to go to his old school
Written by Bennie
On Monday I arrived at my children's new school 15 minutes early to pick up my boys. While I waited, I decided to read the notes from the course. Time came to fetch my boys and so all inspired from the notes, off I went.... As I approached Sammy before we had a chance to greet one another he asked: Sammy: “Am I going to my old school to say goodbye on Wednesday?” Me: “ yes” Sammy: “I am not going!” Me: “ but we have to go... We are just going to go and say goodbye, we will not stay for long” Sammy: “I DON’T WANT TO GO AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME” Me: “Come on it’s the right thing to do and I have made the arrangements already so we are going.” Sammy: “I am not going!” Me: “SIGH” Well that set the mood for our beautiful scenic drive…
